Konflik Diri

This is in my Draft box, something from 2012. I think it's unfinished, but I'm posting it anyway. It is still what I feel, up until now. The battle that I need to struggle everyday, especially at work. Because I need to be something that I am not. I do have trouble fitting in the ruthless and political world.

Here goes..

Pagi semalam, macam biasa, dengar motivasi pagi - semalam pasal sifat "Saya yang salah". And I keep on thinking about that all day.

To be honest, that's kinda who I am. Every time something that is not right happens, my initial spontaneous reaction would be - finding my own fault.
Only the way I see it - it's a disadvantage. I hate that about me - rasa macam senang dibuli, ditindas dan dipijak. I kinda look up to people who always manage to make everything that went wrong as everybody else's fault. It's easier to be that way, right?

Tapi bila ustaz kata "Sebenarnya dalam dunia ni, tak ada siapa yang boleh tindas kita atau hina kita. Hanya Allah yang boleh untuk hina kita"

My mind went ........... tak tahu nak pikir macam mana. Sebak pun ye. 

Maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe I just need to love myself a little bit more.

After all, bukankah pandangan Allah itu lebih penting?