I haven't been feeling like this since 10 years ago - it was when I moved to JB. It's so uneasy, so indescribable.
I remember crying in my room the first week after moving to JB. Been away from home since I was 13 didn't ease the process.
Last cuti raya my parents and me were reminiscing the story of my registration day in high school back in 1995 (feel free to do the maths, yeah, I know I'm old 😝).
When it was time for my family to go back to Kemaman, my mom cried. But I didn't. Not that I didn't feel sad. I remember perfectly how I felt at that time. I was scared, sad and felt like all of that was so surreal.
I felt like chasing and hopping in the car to go back to Kemaman with them at the moment.
Upon seeing me not shedding any tears, my mom told me that I'm such a strong-hearted person. I'm not sure about that because the thing is, I don't cry in front of others or with others. I always choose to cry alone.
Things got easier when I got into college and uni. It was approximately 10 hours journey of Kemaman - Penang, but Alhamdulillah I managed to be fine.
But today the feeling hit me back. The only difference is that I don't cry anymore. And this time, I'm old enough to understand that life is like this. There'll be a little twist and turn along the way. The only thing we can do is to move on.
The most important thing is to have faith that Allah's plan is the best.