Thursday, May 25, 2017

Kari Ikan Mamak style

I got this recipe from my sister. So the credit goes to her. First attempt of this type of curry which is without santan. And it turned out to be sedap! Ehehe. No, I mean the recipe, not my cooking.

Bahan-Bahan:

Bahan kisar : Halia dan bawang putih
Bawang besar (dimayang)
Cengkih
Bunga lawang
Buah pelaga
Kayu manis
Daun kari
Kentang
Tomato
Serbuk kari ikan (Adabi + Babas)
Cili kisar
Ikan (ikut suka)

Cara-cara:

1. Tumiskan cengkih, bunga lawang, buah pelaga dan kayu manis hingga naik bau.
2. Masukkan bahan kisar ( halia dan bawang putih) hingga naik bau.
3. Masukkan bawang besar.
4. Masukkan daun kari dan kentang
5. Masukkan cili kisar
6. Masukkan ikan
7. Masukkan serbuk kari yg dah dibancuh
8. Masukkan sikit air
9. Tunggu mendidih
10. Masukkan tomato (potong 4)
11. Masukkan garam
12.Kalau nak lagi pedas, masukkan cili kering yang dipotong
13. Siap

p/s: In case terlebih pedas, boleh masukkan asam jawa untuk balancekan rasa dia.

p/p.s: Gambar belum ada almaklumlah pakai handphone murah gambar berjerebu malas nak upload.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

My Subconscious

I don't really talk about you
  don't really have your pictures in my phone
          or in my stupid social media gallery

I don't really call you
  don't really ask about your days

And they wonder do you matter to me
                  at all

Darling, don't you listen to them

You know you are my subconscious

you are always there
   in my mind

even when I don't think of you.



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate.





Tuesday, May 23, 2017

My Rock



I printscreen-ed this from Yasin's instagram after the news of Chris Cornell's death. 

The words speak my mind about a certain phase that I've been through and how songs have helped me pushed through it.

"They've helped us moved on.
They've pushed us out of bed.
They've helped us live when nobody else had the time to.
Artists have inspired us in endless ways and have been with us through stages in our lives"

I had my dark moments. Moments when I felt so lost but couldn't tell anyone about it. It was depressing. I had lost interest in everything. All I wanted to do was sleep. And of course, it did affect my studies back then.

Along side with other 'self-treatment' there were also two major things that helped me get through that phase - Coldplay and Sheila On 7. I remembered listening to them every day and in a way I felt like I wasn't alone. Their songs soothed and accompanied me, along with my struggle to get better. They were not self-help songs but it was as if someone telling me that "You've got this. You will be okay".


I'm sure I am just one out of million others they've helped and inspired . But THANK YOU!!









Sunday, May 21, 2017

Random Act of Kindness #2

Al-kisah pergi breakfast pagi tadi.

Masa tengah tunggu makanan sampai, ada kakak datang kemaskan meja dan angkat pinggan-pinggan customer sebelum ni. 

Tiba-tiba dia cakap "Duduk dulu ye". Aku pun senyum jelah sebab memang tengah duduk pun kan. Lepas tu dia tanya lagi "Tak sihat ke? Muka macam demam"

Hehe. Memang pagi tadi mata macam bengkak sikit tak tahulah terkurang tidur ke, terlebih tidur ke. Tapi sihat je sebenarnya.

But the point is, kita tak tahu apa yang kita cakap tu kadang-kadang boleh beri impak kat orang lain, even strangers. jadi berkata-kata baiklah selalu. Macam kakak tadi. Kadang-kadang memang mood aku ni gloomy je pagi-pagi, tapi bila orang concern macam tu, barulah rasa macam 'terbangun' sikit.

Berkata-kata yang baik tu pun sedekah, kan?

#spreadlovenothate

Friday, May 19, 2017

Self-Reminder

Something to ponder:
"Do you really want to be happy? You can begin by being appreciative of who you are and what you've got"
-Benjamin Hoff-

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Wardrobe Clean-up

Ni clean up yang dah ke-berapa kali pun tak tahu dah ni. Dah lama start tapi tak setel-setel jugak.
Dulu masa zaman orang start pakai tudung express awning keras yang dipelopori Ariani tu, semua tudung bawal aku packed dan bagi orang. Sebenarnya bukanlah sebab ikut trend, tapi more to nak memudahkan hidup. Tudung tu kan tak perlu gosok dan sarung je, maka sesuai sangatlah dengan diri yang malas nak menghadap cermin pagi-pagi.



Aku dah berapa kali packed and unpacked balik koleksi tudung ekspress awning keras tu. Mula-mula ada rasa nak bagi orang tapi yelah, budak-budak muda sekarang kan ikut trend manalah ada yang nak pakai lagi tudung makcik-makcik ni. So for now, I'm keeping them so that this makcik can wear them to pasar.  Cuma masalahnya sekarang - storage pulak..adoiii. Tak tahu dah nak letak kat mana.

Okay, enough about that.

So, sekarang dah musim shawl pulak kan, be it instant shawl, semi-instant, long shawl, etc etc.. Even long shawl yang tak instant pun dah boleh pakai within 10 seconds sebab dah ada kaedah senang nak membelit . Dan tudung bawal pun is making its comeback. Yang bestnya tudung bawal sekarang dah murah dan tak jarang macam dulu-dulu.

The main reason I'm giving up those tudung awning keras tu this time is because of the size. Kalau boleh nak pakai yang a little bit wider than ngam-ngam. Jadinya, I opted for shawl sebab kalau pakai shawl kita boleh adjust kelabuhan tu.

Sekarang dah tak susah nak cari tudung yang compliant. Sellers nowadays are mostly aware with all the requirements, especially on the appropriate width and opacity of the tudung which is very good and convenient. So banyak dah choice. Kalau malas nak membelit, pakai je instant. Kalau tak nak pakai shawl, bawal pun dah berlambak yang bidang besar-besar. 

Bawal pun sangatlah senang nak manage. Nak basuh boleh campak je dalam washing machine. Lepas tu kalau pakai yang jenis printed tak payah gosok pun tak pe unless kalau garisan lipatan tu visible sangat.

So for me, bukanlah trend yang dikejar. Memang tak pernah ikut trend pun, cuma beralih arah bila ada yang lebih convenient. 

On a different note, I am confused with the term "bawal". I read it somewhere before that bawal is originated from the word Voile, a fabric material in cotton family. Material kain tudung bawal yang mula-mula dulu tu lah. Tapi sekarang kenapa yang material satin pun dipanggil bawal jugak? Kalau disebabkan dia bersegi empat, sepatutnya panggil square scarf kan? Ke info yang bawal-voile ni salah?


Friday, May 12, 2017

The One Who Dies Believing The Lies

"The One Who Dies
   Believing The Lies"

One thing about truth
it hurts when it hurts

As much as we want to be right
          we could be wrong, too

Could we be among the strong ones
to admit being the wrong one
           the mean one
           the bad one

Because if we are not
we'd just continue on living
    defying the truth
    believing the lies

There is nothing wrong being wrong
if we embrace the lesson
to learn
      and to grow

And there's nothing right about being right
if it only makes us full of ourselves;
if in the end
all we do is
      hurting others

Especially those who care
those who love
those who sacrifice
those we choose to forget


Sometimes all we have to do
is to look around more
to search for life outside our own
so that we can finally see
that things are not always about us
that others matter, too

Especially those who were there for us
      maybe not in the way we'd like them to
      maybe in a way we'd never understand
      maybe in the only way they could

Because the truth is
we are not always perfect
we are not always right
and we are not always the victim



It could have been worse
    than living in lies

we could die in vain
      believing the lies


I Remember

I think at some point, we are all broken.

And this is especially for those who are now in a grieving state out of a break-up (of any kind of relationships) and feeling helpless,  let me brief you through the process.

Although this is not really a manual of "How To Heal A Broken Heart", somehow, I believe the process is the same for all of us. We take our own time, sometimes it may take years, but at least we're progressing. 

We hit rock bottom, hurt and broken. But the most important step after that is wanting to heal. You have to WANT to get better.

Don't worry too much, girls (or even guys). Don't be so sad. Remember that it's just a phase that you will get over with one day. 





I Remember

I remember
being so much in love
and yet
       feeling all broken
       
       
I remember
   standing from afar
   watching you
   with someone else


I remember
   telling myself
   "I am not good enough
   not pretty enough
   not enough"

I remember
    saying goodbye to 'us'
 the 'us' that never existed to you


I remember
   crying in the middle of the nights
   missing you

I remember
    struggling to wake up
  every morning

I remember
     faking a smile
 just to get through the day

I remember
       feeling dead inside




And then
   I remember deciding
   it had to stop
   

   I remember picking up the pieces

   I remember standing up

   I remember walking
       stumbling, but walking

   I remember re-gaining
        what was lost in me


   I remember healing

   



And I remember
  forgetting you.


Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observationsJust chill, don't speculate 😝😝

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Of Survival and Humanity

Of Survival and Humanity

I turn on the TV
    nothing much on the screen
but wars and crimes
tears and blood.

It just keeps going on
         and on
like one human life
doesn't cost even a dime

As if it's unstoppable
as if it's inevitable

Is it the silence of the good
or is it in the hands of the crook?

Either way
   the world is dying, anyway

For one with no greed
   will never lead

But one with no mercy
    will rule society

And I wonder
  what's in it for the rest of us?


A pure human heart
  will never tolerate violence
should we then give up humanity
         to survive?

A true sane mind
   will never condone brutality
should we then give up sanity
        to stay alive?


But is it worth surviving
    in a world without humanity

Can we even call it a living
    in a world without sanity

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Kacang Pool haji

First time makan dekat kedai dia. Selalu makan dekat Medan Selera yang sebelah balai bomba Larkin tu. Actually kedai tu berdekatan je dengan medan selera tu. Cuma tak tahulah kenapa sebelum ni kalau Google Map atau Waze Kacang Pool Haji, mesti dia akan bawak ke Medan Selera tu.

So tipsnya, cuba search SRJK (C) Foon Yew 3, Larkin sebab kedainya memang betul-betul seberang jalan sekolah tu. Kalau dari balai bomba, sekolah di sebelah kiri, kedai Kacang Pool haji ni di sebelah kanan.

Selain kacang pool, ada jugak menu lain seperti di gambar. Dan yang menarik dekat sini ada pilihan daging kambing untuk kacang pool. Kalau dekat medan selera tu rasanya tak ada daging kambing.


Friday, May 5, 2017

Random Act of Kindness

Salam Jumaat.

Sebenarnya tak susah pun nak buat baik kan? Mungkin cita-cita yang terlalu tinggi nak mengubah dunia kononnya, maka terlepas pandang akan kuasa kebaikan-kebaikan yang kecil. Walaupun kecil tapi impaknya besar. Tetap mengubah dunia. Dunia seseorang.


Alkisah hari tu pergi Jusco  sorang-sorang shopping barang dapur . Mula-mula perasan tough, malas nak cari troli (bila tengok kat tempat troli tu kosong). Rasa macam mampu je angkat barangan tu. Tapi bila dah menapak ke tempat parking, nak tercabut lengan dan bahu rasanya (okay, exaggerating much). Dahlah kita sejenis yang suka parking jauh-jauh, konon-konon nak dapatkan khasiat exercise berjalan tu.

Dan dekat parking lot memang bersepah-sepah troli yang ditinggalkan, maka terus letak je groceries items dalam troli pertama yang dijumpai. Tapi tulah, memang selalu sangat dah berjodohan dengan troli yang alignment roda dia lari entah ke mana. Struggle lah di situ nak pastikan troli berada di jalan yang lurus.

Tiba-tiba ada satu couple yang lebih berusia dari belakang senyum-senyum. Yang perempuan tolong tarik troliku sampai lah ke kereta. Segan dan serba-salah sebab dia lebih berusia. Tapi pada masa yang sama bersyukur sangat-sangat.

Nampak simple je pertolongan tu but actually it helped a lot. So I'm reminding myself to be more observant of my surroundings next time around. In case someone is in need of help. Ni tak, sokmo jalan menonong je tak hiraukan persekitaran*dush, dush kat diri sendiri..

#spreadlovenothate



Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Songs and Moments #1 [Eternity]

#2 - Eternity by Robbie William

Close your eyes so you don't feel them
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try

I'll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We've been betrayed
It's true
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt
In you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity

Yesterday when you were walking
We talked about your mom and dad
What they did to make you happy
What they did to make you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone too soon


You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity

For eternity
I'll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We've been betrayed
It's true
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone too soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity


You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you find your freedom
Eventually
For eternity
For eternity





This song will bring me back to the Terminal Bas Butterworth dekat jeti feri tu. Masa tu terminal tu dah terbakar. Year 2001. Masa matriks. Tak ingat sem berapa. Tapi ingat suasana petang tu. Bersama dengan budak-budak Gang Bilik Belakang (haha nama gang tak boleh blah) yang balik kampung bas malam.

Lagu ni berkumandang masa kami jalan celah-celah kaunter bas. Bukannya tak pernah dengar lagu tu sebelum tu. Tapi entah kenapa bila dengar kat terminal masa tu, dia lekat dalam memori sampai sekarang.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Same Road, Different Shoes

Same Road, Different Shoes

        When you want people to love you
               but they don't
        when you don't want people to stop loving you
               but they just do


And what if the table turns?


         When you don't want people to love you
              but they do
         when you want people to stop loving you
              but they just don't


What's gonna be the question, then?


Which one hurts more?
Which one hurts less?

or rather;

Which one hurts?
Which one doesn't?



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observationsJust chill, don't speculate 😝😝


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Songs and Moments #1 [Temani Aku]

We all have that song(s) that specifically remind us of one specific moment every time we listen to it, right?

I have a few. Well, actually, a lot. So I'm going to make a list out of it in this blog.

#1 -  Temani Aku by Sheila on 7

Layaknya gelap malam
Yang indah karna bintang

Layaknya sang penyair
Yang elok karna puisi

Bagiku kau bintang
Selayaknya puisi
Tetaplah di sini peri kecilku

Bagiku kau bintang
Selayaknya puisi
Temani aku selamanya
Selamanya...


This song reminds me of my journey with my family all the way from Terengganu to Penang the day before USM registration day back in 2002.

It was a very long journey.

My father played the SO7 album on the cassette player almost the whole journey. Yes, he liked SO7, too, influenced by me ehehe.

So every time I listen to it I'd remember how the 6 of us cramped in one car for more than 12 hours, the highways, the stops, the "are-we-there-yet" feelings.

And there were no Waze or Google Map whatsoever back then so, once we reached Penang, Abah had to ask around on how to get to Nibong Tebal.

I have to admit the memory was a little vague now, well, it's been 15 years. But some songs will never get old, right?

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Asam Pedas Kampung Sungai Melayu

One of the best Asam Pedas I've had. Gitu.

Lokasinya di area Gelang Patah. Boleh Google Map Asam Pedas Kampung Sungai Melayu.

Jalan nak ke tempat makan tu memang gelap, tak ada lampu jalan. Jalan pulak jalan kampung yang sempit kadang-kadang bila bertembung dengan kereta lain kena pandai-pandai bagi jalan. Kiri kanan kelapa sawit. Kami pergi lepas Maghrib maka boleh bayangkanlah suasana meredah hutan demi sesuap asam pedas.

But it's totally worth it. Makan sedap, harga pun okay, tak mahal. Kami makan asam pedas ikan merah RM14 untuk dua orang. 

Mula-mula sesat jugak tak jumpa pun kedai tu bila sampai kat Kampung Sungai Melayu. Cuak lah jugak. Entah kenapa teringat cerita Volkswagen Kuning tu pulak, haha, sengal.

Rupanya salah jalan. Kena follow signboard ke Dewan. Kedai tu memang betul-betul sebelah dewan. Tengahari diorang dah bukak so bolehlah pergi masa lunch hour. Selain asam pedas ada menu seafood lain, pun sedap. View pun cantik.

Gambar tak ada sebab tak ada mood bergambar masa tu.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Bank Simpanan Nasional (part II)

Actually, after all of these years of blogging, I just found out recently about this "Stat" thingy in the blogger dashboard. Rupanya kita boleh tengok blog visit kita daily, weekly, monthly. And even boleh tengok post mana yang ranked as the most-visited post.

**haha. makcik malu.

So, I noticed rupanya my post which was titled Bank Simpanan Nasional was among the most read ones. Why-lah? Seriously, ramai-ramai google Bank Simpanan Nasional tu, untuk apa ya?

Last time I talked about my personal experience to get the 3 months bank statements from BSN. Actually cerita tak habis. After blogging about my disappointment, I actually went to another branch of BSN, and surprisingly, I managed to get the statements on the spot. Of course ada charge-lah, tapi tak banyak pun, tak silap 50 cents each and they deducted from my account.

Kesimpulannya, sama macam kalau kita pergi "jabatan-jabatan tertentu", kalau kita jumpa Pegawai 1, beliau akan cakap begini begini. tapi bila kita jumpa pulak Pegawai 2, ehh, lain pulak jawapan dia. Maka jangan putus asa. Teruskan mencari jawapan sampai ke Pegawai berapa pun sampai ada jawapan yang sahih.

So, konsep yang sama lah dengan BSN ni, I guess. Pergi satu branch katanya begitu. Pergi branch lain, ehh, boleh pulak. Gitu.

So, no prejudice. Just keep looking for the answers / solutions. Walaupun macam bola ditolak ke sana ke sini. Hmm..




Monday, April 17, 2017

Starstruck

I bought her book "Puisi Tepi Jalan" at the Vendeur Festival back in 2015. And even got her autograph. One of her puisi in the book:


Pejam Bohong

pejam.
dan semua akan aman.

bohong.


-Fynn Jamal-


Simple words. Simple 6 words. Yet explains it all.

I like her words. I think in a way she's a genius to be able to put into words what most of us are unable to even comprehend.

I watch her last night when she went LIVE on Instagram and I did ask for some tips. And she replied! Haha.

Okaylah, tu je pun nak bebel.



Thursday, April 13, 2017

LALA LAND

Dah a few weeks jugak tengok, baru ada mood nak tulis pasal movie ni.


I watched it because Emma Stone was in it. And because it's nominated for Oscar's Best Picture. I am so not into musical movies which is why I didn't watch it in cinema. Tengok CD boleh skip the singing parts ehehe.

I like the ending. It's nothing cliche like most of the movies. Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) and Mia (Emma Stone) met again, briefly, after being separated for years, but somehow they just moved on.

I think that's what the phrase of "We don't meet people by accidents. They crossed our path for a reason" is all about.

Their relationship didn't work out but they met each other to inspire each other to become what they want to become. Which they both did in the end.

So, I think that pretty much sums up the movie haha.


City of stars
Are you shining juts for me
City of stars
There's so much that I can't see
Who knows
I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you






Wednesday, April 12, 2017

..The Loss..In Memory Of A Friend..

I found this in draft section, it was something that I didn't finish writing back in the year of 2012.

So I think I'm publishing it, well, 5 years later. The original writing is in bold, blue, italic font.


*Started writing this on 19th May.
I might take a few days to finish writing this.
Don't really know how to start *sigh. It's just that, in my heart right now, I feel ...
I guess in a way, I just have to let it out, anyhow.
I lost a friend yesterday.
I've known her for more than two years. We've been lunch buddies for the whole period.
Last Tuesday I noticed she was not well. I saw her shivered and her face was pale. I did tell her to go back, go to clinic but she refused. She didn't have lunch that day, she wrote me a note that afternoon telling me she wanted to rest in surau.
She even did OT until 6pm, waiting for her husband to fetch her.


What I can still remember, she was admitted to hospital that night. And passed away the next Thursday. Everybody was so shocked because it happened so quick.

She was unconscious when we visited her. We were ready to go back to office after the visit when we received the call from her husband notifying us that according to doctor, there was no more hope for her.

So we all rushed back to ICU and we were there during her last breath, when the doctor shut down all the support machines. It felt so surreal at that time because I just talked to her 2 days before that.

But that's one thing about death. When it's time, it's time. Not even one second sooner or later.

Al-fatihah to my dear friend. May Allah bless your soul.


Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Cerita Mee Sotong

To be honest, sebelum pergi Penang last month, aku tak pernah tahu pun pasal Mee Sotong ni. 

Ceritanya, tengahari tu nak pi makan nasi kandar dan pergi Queensbay Mall. Staff kat hotel advised suruh naik GrabCar je sebab area nasi kandar tu payah nak cari parking katanya.

Bila sembang-sembang dengan semua driver GrabCar, bagitahu plan petang tu nak pergi Padang Kota, semua tanya "Nak makan mee sotong ke?"

Okay, enough of mukaddimah.

Petang tu, drive sendiri pergi Padang Kota. Mula-mula kami pergi medan selera yang menghadap laut tu, rupa-rupanya mee sotong tak ada di situ. Tapi sempatlah pekena gado-gado dulu sepinggan sebelum teruskan misi mencari.

Lepas tu menapak cuba cari Mee Sotong ni, tapi tak jumpa. Jadi kami decide patah balik ambik kereta. Dapat pulak 'surat cinta' sebab parking tak letak parking coupon. Met with another fella from JB yang katanya kereta dia kena tow. Tanya penguatkuasa kat situ rupanya parking-charging hours tu sampai pukul 12 malam. Kalau parking merata (bukan kat tempat parking), depa akan clamp/tow. Kalau parking kat tempat parking without parking coupon, kena fine lah. 

Lepas tu kami parking lagi without parking coupon sebab dah ada surat cinta kan. Finally, jumpa Mee Sotong tu dekat Esplanade Park, sebelah Fort Cornwallis. Gerai yang ada tulis "Mee Sotong" (haha, obviously)



So this is how Mee Sotong looks like:


Mee goreng + sambal sotong. Not tempting, huh? Haha. Tapi actually, sambal sotong dia tu sedaplah. Manis-manis gitu. Not bad. Harga dia (kalau tak silap) RM5.00


Okaylah nak tepek gambar, fefeling down the memory lane ngee. Both pics taken at around the same place,


2017: 


2006:


Banyak dah berubah, physical and mental-wise haha.


Thursday, April 6, 2017

The Right Amount

The Right Amount


If I love you too much
     I'll suffocate you

If I love you less
    I'll abandon you

Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause I can't seem to love you just enough

How much enough is enough
Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause at times I seem to love you more than enough

How much enough is enough
Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause at times I seem to love you less than enough



Or you should have just let me love you



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observationsJust chill, don't speculate 😝😝



Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Pulang ke Gagang

Last week (March 27, 2017)


Sangat sentimental bila kembali ke tempat menimba ilmu, tempat meniti alam dewasa, tempat emosi yang macam-macam haha (tak perlulah elaborate sangat)

Bila dikira, dah 11 tahun rupanya tinggalkan bumi USM yang tandus. Susah nak percaya it's been that long. Macam masih terasa jalan kaki 15 minit pergi kelas hari-hari, pergi library malam-malam bila dah dekat nak exam, etc etc.

Jadinya, lepas 11 tahun, dah banyak pokok, dah tak tandus lagi macam dulu. Nampak serabut haha, yelah sebab dalam memori ni cuma ada imej USM yang gersang. Tapi okaylah, dah redup. Dari school nak ke desa pun dah terkial-kial tak ingat dah jalan mana.

Ingat nak bergambar depan School, tapi ramai pulak student lalu-lalang maka tak jadilah. Nak bergambar depan gate tu pun bukan main segan sampailah kena marah "Dah datang jauh-jauh, malu pulak" Haha. 

Serius rindu sangat. 

And recently jumpa balik gambar-gambar zaman kampus yang di-burn dalam CD, banyak rupanya moment yang dah makin pudar. Bila tengok gambar, macam "Eh, bila masa pulak ni". 

It was not all sweet memories back then. There were also tear-y moments, heartbroken moments but still, I'll cherish all of them (selagi boleh ingat, InsyaAllah)




Monday, March 27, 2017

The Way We Are

I like it dark at nights
as on days I like it bright


I like things the way they are


Do you not like it sweet in your desserts
or do you not like it spicy in your curry


Things are just fine the way they should be


So why do we need the approval
of a SHALLOW man
who thinks pretty is all about being fair and slender

Never mind those who thinks otherwise
we are just fine the way we are.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Of Forgiveness

Something happened recently. Something that made me think "Ada jugak orang macam ni dalam dunia ni"

Mostly the feeling is angry, apart of that 'unbelievable' feeling.

I hate dramas. All my life, that's what I avoid the most. Even if sometimes, it means - giving in. Somewhere deep down, for everything that people did to me, I have faith that Allah knows and will someday reveal the truth. Alhamdulillah, that's all I can say. For the patience and rational thoughts inside of me. And for the calmness outside of me. And for not desperately trying to explain myself to people.  Although there were times that I fell apart and almost broke down, out of devastation.

So for the 1000th times, I am down on that road again. The worst part of this, is that I can't forgive. And of course, they are not sorry. But I know that I have to forgive, anyway, in order to move on and to be at peace again. But that's the problem. Forgiveness is not really my forte. I just don't know how to do it. I remember things, although on the surface, they don't look like they're bothering me. But they just do. *cry*

There were people in the past that I took years to forgive. And I don't want to waste that much of time anymore for people who are so not worth it. Maybe I just need to cut them out of my life. For good. I don't know.

Haishh, serabut perut, orang tranung kate.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Tanya Sama Itu Hud-Hud

"Lihat dunia dari mata sang burung
Ataupun dari dalam tempurung
Yang mana satu engkau pilih"

-Tanya Sama Itu Hud-Hud, M.Nasir-



On a personal note, I just want to say this. And this only.


Rendahkan hati untuk melihat sesuatu perkara dari perspektif orang lain.
Bukan semua benda di dalam dunia ini hanya berkisar tentang diri kita.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Humble yourself to see things from others' perspective.
You'll be surprised on how this world doesn't only resolve around you.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Random Bitterness

I'm being bitter today.

All the hype about the Woman's Day - well, I just don't give damn.
Entah-entah ni semua dakyah nak buat perempuan-perempuan shopping sempena Woman's Day.

Hmm.. Dah tak ada idea pulak nak bebel apa.
.
.
.
Owh, ada.

Nowadays, I don't feel like 'membebel' on FB anymore. I guess, it's too open out there. Plus, I don't feel comfortable when people making fun of what I wrote online. But I'm putting it all behind. It's okay. I just need to put some limit, that's all.
.
Lagi.

Recently I finally got to watch Kurt Cobain - Montage of Heck. Well, to me it's disturbing despite knowing that he was a tortured soul. But still, thanks Mr. Kurt Cobain for all the songs that I grew up with.

Okay, enough of the bitterness.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Keeping Track of Life

One thing about keeping a journal is that - it helps you keeping track of who you were and who you've become.

Sometimes, while growing up you forgot that once you were just a kid. A raw soul. A naive dreamer. A rebel without a cause. 

And along the way, life happens and it changes you. A part of you is missing, like a stranger you never knew. You've become someone you never thought of becoming. 

But once in a while you get to re-visit the old you. It's good to sometimes get in touch with the bricks that build you. 

In that regard, I am thankful for this blog. Although I might have written things that I am not proud of, but hey, I was that 'kid'. And that's okay.  Everyday is a learning curve.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Mother Figure?

This happened last year. I drafted this post the day it happened but didn't finish it. So now I'm posting it. Here goes..

I went to shaklee to stock up some vitamins. Once I was done with the purchase, I went out. Oh, btw, the door was securely locked,there a was a guard in charge to unlock the door every time people coming in and going out of the premise.

I noticed this one boy went out, too, alone, at the same time I got out.  I wondered at that instant "where is he going?" He walked very close to me and I started to think "is this boy following me?"

When i reached my car, he was there too, so it was obvious that he did follow me. I asked him "Where are you going? Where's your mom?" but he just looked at me and then looked away, looking so lost. He didn't say anything but his face looked as if he was just waking up from sleep or maybe under coughing syrup influence or something.

I know, I'm a bit slow. Only after a few seconds later I kinda figured out what just happened. He must had mistakenly thought me as his mom - may be that was why he followed me.

So I ushered him back to Shaklee. The guard waving at him to come in back once he saw us. Behind the guard was a woman. That must've been the mother.

I immediately left after his mom saw him. I just couldn't stop thinking what if the boy followed the wrong person? Nauzubillah.

Please be extra careful dear parents out there.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Me and Touch-screen Phone

I always knew it that me and touch-screen handphone will never get along well *sigh.

I cracked the screen of my previous phone - TWICE. It costed RM550 to replace the screen the first time. 3 months later, it cracked on me again. So, of course, that second time, baik beli handphone baru jelah (although i really fell in love with that Z Ultra so much).

And yesterday (it has not been even one year yet), I spilled a bottle of minyak angin on the phone. This morning i found the screen was not responding to swiping anymore.

In times like this, I miss my old Blackberry Torch so much. I miss the keypad, the durability (even when it's smashed to the wall), the times that it served me for 3 years.

I don't fancy all these sleek and edgy modern phone which keeps failing on me. Jatuh sikit dah tak boleh function. Lembik! Stress makcik! 

Haha. Yup, the blaming game can continue forever when actually  it's these butterfingers of mine. 

This klutz really needs something from the stone age 

*sigh and cry. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Times New Roman

I read an article from LinkedIn about what's not to include in a resume.
Surprisingly, one of the point is: to use new (world order) font. Such as Arial. Okay, that's fine. And then the article stated 'do not use Times New Roman as it's OUTDATED and OLD-FASHIONED' 
Which makes me feel VERY very old. During my final year report time, our supervisors and lecturers did emphasize on using the correct font which is either Arial and Times New Roman.
And how now, Times New Roman is not relevant anymore??
Sigh.
Yup. That's how an article about RESUME can spoil your day.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Of Love and Addiction

We tend to love something so much that we sort of willing to endure the painful consequences.
(Confession of A Coffee Addict)

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Time Travel II

Just a little reminder for self.

"Leave the past in the past"

"You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on to,  it's already gone"

"Masa lalu itu harus dikenang.
Tapi jangan dijalani"

Monday, February 13, 2017

Reaction

Sometimes, when I don't know how to react, I would just be quite.
Because sometimes it's tiring to pretend.  And even more tiring to open up to people.
To explain myself to people probably would be the last thing I'd want to do.
I don't want to explain myself to be understood.
I just want be quite.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

My Countrymen

Because I really love the words in this poem!

Here's another part from it.

-My Countrymen, Kahlil Gibran-

Words

My Countrymen.

By Kahlil Gibran.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Battle of the Gen

I feel sorry for the young generation these days.

There are too many channels nowadays out there to bring out the worst in them.

It's not that the older generations are any better.

It's just that we didn't have as much channels to unleash the bad side in us back then when we younger.

I mean, Friendster was a lot harm-less compared to Wechat.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

The Title

Cuti CNY baru ni, ada jemputan majlis kahwin saudara nun di Besut. Maka berkonvoilah kami ke sana.
Cuma nak cerita waktu sampai, kami tunggu kereta lain (gang konvoi) yang belum sampai kat luar pagar.
Nampak tuan rumah tergesa-gesa nak mengejar seorang tetamu yang dah mula nak beredar.  Kebetulan tetamu tu lalu sebelah kami, maka aku pun konon-konon tolong panggilkan.
"Kak!"
Tapi almaklumlah suara tak berapa nak kuat, tetamu tu tak dengar.  Tuan rumah pun mengejar dengan berlari-lari anak sambil memanggil tetamu tu "Dato', Dato'!"
Haissh. Nasiblah beliau tu tak dengar aku duk panggil "Kak" tadi.


The Not So Bad

From a different side of point of view, I've been thinking.

Maybe there are no really a bad person.

Maybe it's just that their goodness is just not up to our convenience.

Maybe.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Of Resolution

My niece asked me what's my year 2017's resolution.

Not to kill a child's enthusiasm (despite my stand about resolution),  I answered "to fulfill last years' resolution"

"And what was that?"

Err.

"I'm gonna need to look it up in my last year's planner"

Sorry Kelloggs,  Ti-long is so not a role model.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The Value of 20 Cents

The other day I watched the mainstream evening news.

I feel sorry for those who complained about having to pay 20cents for the plastic bags. One even have the nerve to ask what the government is going to do with the money???

(Deep down, I hope he's being paid to make such a statement for whatever political reason so that I could assume he is not that ignorance)

I honestly think that the 20 cents is the price we pay to be educated to save the planet. Yes, one plastic bag at a time. And why not?

If we don't start any sooner, we are never going to.

It's already 2017 and our planet is dying and yet all we do is still: COMPLAIN.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Darjah 1

Recently FB newsfeed penuh dengan post kawan-kawan hantar anak darjah 1.

I still remember what it was like on my first day of standard one.Yelah, anak sendiri tak ada, jadi terkenangkan kenangan sendiri jelah, which I remember quite clearly until now.

I must say, I must've been such a tough kid back then hahaha. Entahlah.

What I can remember is that Abah yang hantar masa tu. Tapi Abah tak hantar sampai kelas pun. Abah hantar then Abah terus pergi kerja. Tak de tunggu-tunggu punya.

So aku sendiri-sendiri pandai-pandai beratur ikut entah mana-mana kelas masa cikgu bawak tour satu sekolah tunjuk toilet kat mana semua tu, turned out I followed the wrong class. When it was time to enter the classroom the teacher told me that my name was not listed under the class. Yang aku ingat lepas tu aku berdiri je luar kelas tu bersama dengan parents yang duk tunggu anak-anak masing-masing.

Come to think of that now, I don't understand why the teacher didn't help me to get to the right class 😔. Sampailah ada seorang kakak tu perasan yang aku berdiri kat luar kelas macam tu, dia belek nametag aku. Nasib baik Abah ada tuliskan nama kelas dekat belakang nametag. Zaman tu bukan pakai nametag yang jahit tu tapi nametag yang pin dekat baju. Jadi kakak tulah yang hantar aku pergi kelas yang sepatutnya.

The whole time I didn't cry cuma I remember feeling 'tak tahu nak pergi mana'.

Maybe that was one of the reason yang buat aku anti sangat dengan budak-budak manja. Because my whole life (even at the age of 7) aku dah berdikari kot.

I think masa tu mungkin ada miscommunication kot dengan Abah. Maybe Abah dah bagitau sepatutnya pergi mana cuma aku yang blur-blur pergi ikut salah kelas haha.

But it was all fine. Aku memang OK je masa tu tak nangis langsung pun. It was not a bad memory for me. It was one kind of a memory 😊.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

2017

Some predicted the worst.

The major downfall of world wide financial. And even the World War III.

But maybe it's just all predictions and assumptions. Remember 2012? Yeah, maybe it's just 2012 all over again.

I don't know.

As for myself, I have stopped making any new year resolution since 2009. New year is not about resolution anymore. It's not even supposed to be a celebration. Because every new year is another year deducted from our lifetime.

Let's just focus on making the best out of ourselves, without being so self-centered. Shall we?