Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Same Road, Different Shoes

Same Road, Different Shoes

        When you want people to love you
               but they don't
        when you don't want people to stop loving you
               but they just do


And what if the table turns?


         When you don't want people to love you
              but they do
         when you want people to stop loving you
              but they just don't


What's gonna be the question, then?


Which one hurts more?
Which one hurts less?

or rather;

Which one hurts?
Which one doesn't?



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observationsJust chill, don't speculate 😝😝


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Songs and Moments #1 [Temani Aku]

We all have that song(s) that specifically remind us of one specific moment every time we listen to it, right?

I have a few. Well, actually, a lot. So I'm going to make a list out of it in this blog.

#1 -  Temani Aku by Sheila on 7

Layaknya gelap malam
Yang indah karna bintang

Layaknya sang penyair
Yang elok karna puisi

Bagiku kau bintang
Selayaknya puisi
Tetaplah di sini peri kecilku

Bagiku kau bintang
Selayaknya puisi
Temani aku selamanya
Selamanya...


This song reminds me of my journey with my family all the way from Terengganu to Penang the day before USM registration day back in 2002.

It was a very long journey.

My father played the SO7 album on the cassette player almost the whole journey. Yes, he liked SO7, too, influenced by me ehehe.

So every time I listen to it I'd remember how the 6 of us cramped in one car for more than 12 hours, the highways, the stops, the "are-we-there-yet" feelings.

And there were no Waze or Google Map whatsoever back then so, once we reached Penang, Abah had to ask around on how to get to Nibong Tebal.

I have to admit the memory was a little vague now, well, it's been 15 years. But some songs will never get old, right?

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Asam Pedas Kampung Sungai Melayu

One of the best Asam Pedas I've had. Gitu.

Lokasinya di area Gelang Patah. Boleh Google Map Asam Pedas Kampung Sungai Melayu.

Jalan nak ke tempat makan tu memang gelap, tak ada lampu jalan. Jalan pulak jalan kampung yang sempit kadang-kadang bila bertembung dengan kereta lain kena pandai-pandai bagi jalan. Kiri kanan kelapa sawit. Kami pergi lepas Maghrib maka boleh bayangkanlah suasana meredah hutan demi sesuap asam pedas.

But it's totally worth it. Makan sedap, harga pun okay, tak mahal. Kami makan asam pedas ikan merah RM14 untuk dua orang. 

Mula-mula sesat jugak tak jumpa pun kedai tu bila sampai kat Kampung Sungai Melayu. Cuak lah jugak. Entah kenapa teringat cerita Volkswagen Kuning tu pulak, haha, sengal.

Rupanya salah jalan. Kena follow signboard ke Dewan. Kedai tu memang betul-betul sebelah dewan. Tengahari diorang dah bukak so bolehlah pergi masa lunch hour. Selain asam pedas ada menu seafood lain, pun sedap. View pun cantik.

Gambar tak ada sebab tak ada mood bergambar masa tu.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Bank Simpanan Nasional (part II)

Actually, after all of these years of blogging, I just found out recently about this "Stat" thingy in the blogger dashboard. Rupanya kita boleh tengok blog visit kita daily, weekly, monthly. And even boleh tengok post mana yang ranked as the most-visited post.

**haha. makcik malu.

So, I noticed rupanya my post which was titled Bank Simpanan Nasional was among the most read ones. Why-lah? Seriously, ramai-ramai google Bank Simpanan Nasional tu, untuk apa ya?

Last time I talked about my personal experience to get the 3 months bank statements from BSN. Actually cerita tak habis. After blogging about my disappointment, I actually went to another branch of BSN, and surprisingly, I managed to get the statements on the spot. Of course ada charge-lah, tapi tak banyak pun, tak silap 50 cents each and they deducted from my account.

Kesimpulannya, sama macam kalau kita pergi "jabatan-jabatan tertentu", kalau kita jumpa Pegawai 1, beliau akan cakap begini begini. tapi bila kita jumpa pulak Pegawai 2, ehh, lain pulak jawapan dia. Maka jangan putus asa. Teruskan mencari jawapan sampai ke Pegawai berapa pun sampai ada jawapan yang sahih.

So, konsep yang sama lah dengan BSN ni, I guess. Pergi satu branch katanya begitu. Pergi branch lain, ehh, boleh pulak. Gitu.

So, no prejudice. Just keep looking for the answers / solutions. Walaupun macam bola ditolak ke sana ke sini. Hmm..




Monday, April 17, 2017

Starstruck

I bought her book "Puisi Tepi Jalan" at the Vendeur Festival back in 2015. And even got her autograph. One of her puisi in the book:


Pejam Bohong

pejam.
dan semua akan aman.

bohong.


-Fynn Jamal-


Simple words. Simple 6 words. Yet explains it all.

I like her words. I think in a way she's a genius to be able to put into words what most of us are unable to even comprehend.

I watch her last night when she went LIVE on Instagram and I did ask for some tips. And she replied! Haha.

Okaylah, tu je pun nak bebel.



Thursday, April 13, 2017

LALA LAND

Dah a few weeks jugak tengok, baru ada mood nak tulis pasal movie ni.


I watched it because Emma Stone was in it. And because it's nominated for Oscar's Best Picture. I am so not into musical movies which is why I didn't watch it in cinema. Tengok CD boleh skip the singing parts ehehe.

I like the ending. It's nothing cliche like most of the movies. Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) and Mia (Emma Stone) met again, briefly, after being separated for years, but somehow they just moved on.

I think that's what the phrase of "We don't meet people by accidents. They crossed our path for a reason" is all about.

Their relationship didn't work out but they met each other to inspire each other to become what they want to become. Which they both did in the end.

So, I think that pretty much sums up the movie haha.


City of stars
Are you shining juts for me
City of stars
There's so much that I can't see
Who knows
I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you






Wednesday, April 12, 2017

..The Loss..In Memory Of A Friend..

I found this in draft section, it was something that I didn't finish writing back in the year of 2012.

So I think I'm publishing it, well, 5 years later. The original writing is in bold, blue, italic font.


*Started writing this on 19th May.
I might take a few days to finish writing this.
Don't really know how to start *sigh. It's just that, in my heart right now, I feel ...
I guess in a way, I just have to let it out, anyhow.
I lost a friend yesterday.
I've known her for more than two years. We've been lunch buddies for the whole period.
Last Tuesday I noticed she was not well. I saw her shivered and her face was pale. I did tell her to go back, go to clinic but she refused. She didn't have lunch that day, she wrote me a note that afternoon telling me she wanted to rest in surau.
She even did OT until 6pm, waiting for her husband to fetch her.


What I can still remember, she was admitted to hospital that night. And passed away the next Thursday. Everybody was so shocked because it happened so quick.

She was unconscious when we visited her. We were ready to go back to office after the visit when we received the call from her husband notifying us that according to doctor, there was no more hope for her.

So we all rushed back to ICU and we were there during her last breath, when the doctor shut down all the support machines. It felt so surreal at that time because I just talked to her 2 days before that.

But that's one thing about death. When it's time, it's time. Not even one second sooner or later.

Al-fatihah to my dear friend. May Allah bless your soul.


Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Cerita Mee Sotong

To be honest, sebelum pergi Penang last month, aku tak pernah tahu pun pasal Mee Sotong ni. 

Ceritanya, tengahari tu nak pi makan nasi kandar dan pergi Queensbay Mall. Staff kat hotel advised suruh naik GrabCar je sebab area nasi kandar tu payah nak cari parking katanya.

Bila sembang-sembang dengan semua driver GrabCar, bagitahu plan petang tu nak pergi Padang Kota, semua tanya "Nak makan mee sotong ke?"

Okay, enough of mukaddimah.

Petang tu, drive sendiri pergi Padang Kota. Mula-mula kami pergi medan selera yang menghadap laut tu, rupa-rupanya mee sotong tak ada di situ. Tapi sempatlah pekena gado-gado dulu sepinggan sebelum teruskan misi mencari.

Lepas tu menapak cuba cari Mee Sotong ni, tapi tak jumpa. Jadi kami decide patah balik ambik kereta. Dapat pulak 'surat cinta' sebab parking tak letak parking coupon. Met with another fella from JB yang katanya kereta dia kena tow. Tanya penguatkuasa kat situ rupanya parking-charging hours tu sampai pukul 12 malam. Kalau parking merata (bukan kat tempat parking), depa akan clamp/tow. Kalau parking kat tempat parking without parking coupon, kena fine lah. 

Lepas tu kami parking lagi without parking coupon sebab dah ada surat cinta kan. Finally, jumpa Mee Sotong tu dekat Esplanade Park, sebelah Fort Cornwallis. Gerai yang ada tulis "Mee Sotong" (haha, obviously)



So this is how Mee Sotong looks like:


Mee goreng + sambal sotong. Not tempting, huh? Haha. Tapi actually, sambal sotong dia tu sedaplah. Manis-manis gitu. Not bad. Harga dia (kalau tak silap) RM5.00


Okaylah nak tepek gambar, fefeling down the memory lane ngee. Both pics taken at around the same place,


2017: 


2006:


Banyak dah berubah, physical and mental-wise haha.


Thursday, April 6, 2017

The Right Amount

The Right Amount


If I love you too much
     I'll suffocate you

If I love you less
    I'll abandon you

Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause I can't seem to love you just enough

How much enough is enough
Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause at times I seem to love you more than enough

How much enough is enough
Can you tell me
the right amount of love
cause at times I seem to love you less than enough



Or you should have just let me love you



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observationsJust chill, don't speculate 😝😝



Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Pulang ke Gagang

Last week (March 27, 2017)


Sangat sentimental bila kembali ke tempat menimba ilmu, tempat meniti alam dewasa, tempat emosi yang macam-macam haha (tak perlulah elaborate sangat)

Bila dikira, dah 11 tahun rupanya tinggalkan bumi USM yang tandus. Susah nak percaya it's been that long. Macam masih terasa jalan kaki 15 minit pergi kelas hari-hari, pergi library malam-malam bila dah dekat nak exam, etc etc.

Jadinya, lepas 11 tahun, dah banyak pokok, dah tak tandus lagi macam dulu. Nampak serabut haha, yelah sebab dalam memori ni cuma ada imej USM yang gersang. Tapi okaylah, dah redup. Dari school nak ke desa pun dah terkial-kial tak ingat dah jalan mana.

Ingat nak bergambar depan School, tapi ramai pulak student lalu-lalang maka tak jadilah. Nak bergambar depan gate tu pun bukan main segan sampailah kena marah "Dah datang jauh-jauh, malu pulak" Haha. 

Serius rindu sangat. 

And recently jumpa balik gambar-gambar zaman kampus yang di-burn dalam CD, banyak rupanya moment yang dah makin pudar. Bila tengok gambar, macam "Eh, bila masa pulak ni". 

It was not all sweet memories back then. There were also tear-y moments, heartbroken moments but still, I'll cherish all of them (selagi boleh ingat, InsyaAllah)




Monday, March 27, 2017

The Way We Are

I like it dark at nights
as on days I like it bright


I like things the way they are


Do you not like it sweet in your desserts
or do you not like it spicy in your curry


Things are just fine the way they should be


So why do we need the approval
of a SHALLOW man
who thinks pretty is all about being fair and slender

Never mind those who thinks otherwise
we are just fine the way we are.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Of Forgiveness

Something happened recently. Something that made me think "Ada jugak orang macam ni dalam dunia ni"

Mostly the feeling is angry, apart of that 'unbelievable' feeling.

I hate dramas. All my life, that's what I avoid the most. Even if sometimes, it means - giving in. Somewhere deep down, for everything that people did to me, I have faith that Allah knows and will someday reveal the truth. Alhamdulillah, that's all I can say. For the patience and rational thoughts inside of me. And for the calmness outside of me. And for not desperately trying to explain myself to people.  Although there were times that I fell apart and almost broke down, out of devastation.

So for the 1000th times, I am down on that road again. The worst part of this, is that I can't forgive. And of course, they are not sorry. But I know that I have to forgive, anyway, in order to move on and to be at peace again. But that's the problem. Forgiveness is not really my forte. I just don't know how to do it. I remember things, although on the surface, they don't look like they're bothering me. But they just do. *cry*

There were people in the past that I took years to forgive. And I don't want to waste that much of time anymore for people who are so not worth it. Maybe I just need to cut them out of my life. For good. I don't know.

Haishh, serabut perut, orang tranung kate.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Tanya Sama Itu Hud-Hud

"Lihat dunia dari mata sang burung
Ataupun dari dalam tempurung
Yang mana satu engkau pilih"

-Tanya Sama Itu Hud-Hud, M.Nasir-



On a personal note, I just want to say this. And this only.


Rendahkan hati untuk melihat sesuatu perkara dari perspektif orang lain.
Bukan semua benda di dalam dunia ini hanya berkisar tentang diri kita.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Humble yourself to see things from others' perspective.
You'll be surprised on how this world doesn't only resolve around you.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Random Bitterness

I'm being bitter today.

All the hype about the Woman's Day - well, I just don't give damn.
Entah-entah ni semua dakyah nak buat perempuan-perempuan shopping sempena Woman's Day.

Hmm.. Dah tak ada idea pulak nak bebel apa.
.
.
.
Owh, ada.

Nowadays, I don't feel like 'membebel' on FB anymore. I guess, it's too open out there. Plus, I don't feel comfortable when people making fun of what I wrote online. But I'm putting it all behind. It's okay. I just need to put some limit, that's all.
.
Lagi.

Recently I finally got to watch Kurt Cobain - Montage of Heck. Well, to me it's disturbing despite knowing that he was a tortured soul. But still, thanks Mr. Kurt Cobain for all the songs that I grew up with.

Okay, enough of the bitterness.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Keeping Track of Life

One thing about keeping a journal is that - it helps you keeping track of who you were and who you've become.

Sometimes, while growing up you forgot that once you were just a kid. A raw soul. A naive dreamer. A rebel without a cause. 

And along the way, life happens and it changes you. A part of you is missing, like a stranger you never knew. You've become someone you never thought of becoming. 

But once in a while you get to re-visit the old you. It's good to sometimes get in touch with the bricks that build you. 

In that regard, I am thankful for this blog. Although I might have written things that I am not proud of, but hey, I was that 'kid'. And that's okay.  Everyday is a learning curve.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Mother Figure?

This happened last year. I drafted this post the day it happened but didn't finish it. So now I'm posting it. Here goes..

I went to shaklee to stock up some vitamins. Once I was done with the purchase, I went out. Oh, btw, the door was securely locked,there a was a guard in charge to unlock the door every time people coming in and going out of the premise.

I noticed this one boy went out, too, alone, at the same time I got out.  I wondered at that instant "where is he going?" He walked very close to me and I started to think "is this boy following me?"

When i reached my car, he was there too, so it was obvious that he did follow me. I asked him "Where are you going? Where's your mom?" but he just looked at me and then looked away, looking so lost. He didn't say anything but his face looked as if he was just waking up from sleep or maybe under coughing syrup influence or something.

I know, I'm a bit slow. Only after a few seconds later I kinda figured out what just happened. He must had mistakenly thought me as his mom - may be that was why he followed me.

So I ushered him back to Shaklee. The guard waving at him to come in back once he saw us. Behind the guard was a woman. That must've been the mother.

I immediately left after his mom saw him. I just couldn't stop thinking what if the boy followed the wrong person? Nauzubillah.

Please be extra careful dear parents out there.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Me and Touch-screen Phone

I always knew it that me and touch-screen handphone will never get along well *sigh. 

I cracked the screen of my previous phone - TWICE. It costed RM550 to replace the screen the first time. 3 months later, it cracked on me again. So, of course, that second time, baik beli handphone baru jelah (although i really fell in love with that Z Ultra so much).

And yesterday (it has not been even one year yet), I spilled a bottle of minyak angin on the phone. This morning i found the screen was not responding to swiping anymore.

In times like this, I miss my old Blackberry Torch so much. I miss the keypad, the durability (even when it's smashed to the wall), the times that it served me for 3 years.

I don't fancy all these sleek and edgy modern phone which keeps failing on me. Jatuh sikit dah tak boleh function. Lembik! Stress makcik! 

Haha. Yup, the blaming game can continue forever when actually  it's these butterfingers of mine. 

This klutz really needs something from the stone age 

*sigh and cry. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Times New Roman

I read an article from LinkedIn about what's not to include in a resume.

Surprisingly, one of the point is: to use new (world order) font. Such as Arial. Okay, that's fine. And then the article stated 'do not use Times New Roman as it's OUTDATED and OLD-FASHIONED' 😥

Which makes me feel VERY very old. During my final year report time, our supervisors and lecturers did emphasize on using the correct font which is either Arial and Times New Roman.

And how now, Times New Roman is not relevant anymore??

Sigh.

Yup. That's how an article about RESUME can spoil your day.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Of Love and Addiction

We tend to love something so much that we sort of willing to endure the painful consequences.

(Confession of A Coffee Addict)

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Time Travel II

Just a little reminder for self.

"Leave the past in the past"

"You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on to,  it's already gone"

"Masa lalu itu harus dikenang.
Tapi jangan dijalani"

Monday, February 13, 2017

Reaction

Sometimes, when I don't know how to react, I would just be quite.

Because sometimes it's tiring to pretend.  And even more tiring to open up to people.

To explain myself to people probably would be the last thing I'd want to do.

I don't want to explain myself to be understood.

I just want be quite.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

My Countrymen

Because I really love the words in this poem!

Here's another part from it.

-My Countrymen, Kahlil Gibran-

Words

My Countrymen.

By Kahlil Gibran.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Battle of the Gen

I feel sorry for the young generation these days.

There are too many channels nowadays out there to bring out the worst in them.

It's not that the older generations are any better.

It's just that we didn't have as much channels to unleash the bad side in us back then when we younger.

I mean, Friendster was a lot harm-less compared to Wechat.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

The Title

Cuti CNY baru ni, ada jemputan majlis kahwin saudara nun di Besut. Maka berkonvoilah kami ke sana.

Cuma nak cerita waktu sampai, kami tunggu kereta lain (gang konvoi) yang belum sampai kat luar pagar.

Nampak tuan rumah tergesa-gesa nak mengejar seorang tetamu yang dah mula nak beredar.  Kebetulan tetamu tu lalu sebelah kami, maka aku pun konon-konon tolong panggilkan.

"Kak!"

Tapi almaklumlah suara tak berapa nak kuat, tetamu tu tak dengar.  Tuan rumah pun mengejar dengan berlari-lari anak sambil memanggil tetamu tu "Dato', Dato'!"

Haissh. Nasiblah beliau tu tak dengar aku duk panggil "Kak" tadi.

😂😂😂

The Not So Bad

From a different side of point of view, I've been thinking.

Maybe there are no really a bad person.

Maybe it's just that their goodness is just not up to our convenience.

Maybe.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Of Resolution

My niece asked me what's my year 2017's resolution.

Not to kill a child's enthusiasm (despite my stand about resolution),  I answered "to fulfill last years' resolution"

"And what was that?"

Err.

"I'm gonna need to look it up in my last year's planner"

Sorry Kelloggs,  Ti-long is so not a role model.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The Value of 20 Cents

The other day I watched the mainstream evening news.

I feel sorry for those who complained about having to pay 20cents for the plastic bags. One even have the nerve to ask what the government is going to do with the money???

(Deep down, I hope he's being paid to make such a statement for whatever political reason so that I could assume he is not that ignorance)

I honestly think that the 20 cents is the price we pay to be educated to save the planet. Yes, one plastic bag at a time. And why not?

If we don't start any sooner, we are never going to.

It's already 2017 and our planet is dying and yet all we do is still: COMPLAIN.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Darjah 1

Recently FB newsfeed penuh dengan post kawan-kawan hantar anak darjah 1.

I still remember what it was like on my first day of standard one.Yelah, anak sendiri tak ada, jadi terkenangkan kenangan sendiri jelah, which I remember quite clearly until now.

I must say, I must've been such a tough kid back then hahaha. Entahlah.

What I can remember is that Abah yang hantar masa tu. Tapi Abah tak hantar sampai kelas pun. Abah hantar then Abah terus pergi kerja. Tak de tunggu-tunggu punya.

So aku sendiri-sendiri pandai-pandai beratur ikut entah mana-mana kelas masa cikgu bawak tour satu sekolah tunjuk toilet kat mana semua tu, turned out I followed the wrong class. When it was time to enter the classroom the teacher told me that my name was not listed under the class. Yang aku ingat lepas tu aku berdiri je luar kelas tu bersama dengan parents yang duk tunggu anak-anak masing-masing.

Come to think of that now, I don't understand why the teacher didn't help me to get to the right class 😔. Sampailah ada seorang kakak tu perasan yang aku berdiri kat luar kelas macam tu, dia belek nametag aku. Nasib baik Abah ada tuliskan nama kelas dekat belakang nametag. Zaman tu bukan pakai nametag yang jahit tu tapi nametag yang pin dekat baju. Jadi kakak tulah yang hantar aku pergi kelas yang sepatutnya.

The whole time I didn't cry cuma I remember feeling 'tak tahu nak pergi mana'.

Maybe that was one of the reason yang buat aku anti sangat dengan budak-budak manja. Because my whole life (even at the age of 7) aku dah berdikari kot.

I think masa tu mungkin ada miscommunication kot dengan Abah. Maybe Abah dah bagitau sepatutnya pergi mana cuma aku yang blur-blur pergi ikut salah kelas haha.

But it was all fine. Aku memang OK je masa tu tak nangis langsung pun. It was not a bad memory for me. It was one kind of a memory 😊.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

2017

Some predicted the worst.

The major downfall of world wide financial. And even the World War III.

But maybe it's just all predictions and assumptions. Remember 2012? Yeah, maybe it's just 2012 all over again.

I don't know.

As for myself, I have stopped making any new year resolution since 2009. New year is not about resolution anymore. It's not even supposed to be a celebration. Because every new year is another year deducted from our lifetime.

Let's just focus on making the best out of ourselves, without being so self-centered. Shall we?