2017 Lesson

A lesson that I learnt. Or, I must say, RE-LEARNT.

I understood this well. Which was why I always put my guard high before this, not to get attached to people too much. It kinda made me a cold person, in a way. But I think no harm was done. To me and to other people.

But for some reason, I opened up myself a little bit too much recently and then, I started to expect people to be there for me in times that I need them. And the thing that I always tried to avoid - happened. I know it was not intentional, people have their own life to live, but still, I felt left behind and abandoned.  And when this kind of thing happened, I am pissed off at myself. I felt like I was betraying myself. I knew it too well that I shouldn’t get attached to anyone, but I still did. So that served me right.

But I’ve come to terms with my mistakes now. Lesson learnt and I've put it all behind me. This, however, is just a reminder to myself.

One Vs Thousands

There are thousands of reasons to be sore;
but I’ll hold on to the one thing that warms my heart.

One may be the smallest number,
but most of the times,
one is all we ever need.

Cendol Durian

Kalau lalu bandar Pekan, Pahang, dekat tepi sungai tu mesti nampak gerai-gerai cendol ni. Ada 2 van luton yang jual cendol kat sini, Cendol Hameed dengan Cendol Saleem. 

Hari tu kami makan dekat Cendol Saleem. First time makan cendol durian. Banyak jugak dia letak durian dalam tu, dalam 4 ulas macam tu, besar-besar pulak tu. Kenyang sampai petang.

Cendol ni my childhood favorite. Suka sangat makan cendol masa kecik-kecik dulu. Orang lain sibuk order ABC yang berwarna-warni tu, aku tetap dengan cendol ehehe. Tapi dah makin dewasa dah 'alah' dengan ais, so tak makan dah.

Ini pun hubby yang orderkan, maka aku gigih habiskan durian jelah.

Nasi Dagang Kampung Atas Tol

Masa tengok kedai ni viral dekat FB dulu-dulu, ingatkan takkan ada can nak pergi makan. Tapi dah namanya rezeki, baru-baru ni dapatlah jugak merasa.

Bagi aku memang sedap. Parents aku pun cakap sedap. Tapi my in-laws semua cakap biasa-biasa je. Mungkin sebab diorang dah biasa makan nasi dagang jadi expectation dia lebih tinggi. 

Kalau pergi Kuala Terengganu, silalah singgah di sini. Taip je Nasi Dagang Kampung Atas Tol kat Google Map tu. Dia betul-betul tepi jalan, memang akan terus nampak, bersebelahan dengan surau dan kubur.

Nasi dagang ni dia pakai beras basmathi sebab tu kot aku suka sangat ehehe. Dan teh ais dia pun aku suka, walaupun ais! 

Isnin tutup ye:

Katanya 630 pagi orang dah start beratur dah kat sini. Tapi masa kami pergi tu dah dekat pukul 9 pagi, masih ada lagi.

Putih

First of all, I wonder, who defines the standard of beauty? And what qualifies them to set the standard?

I am writing not on behalf of those highly-esteemed people, but on the contrary. I know what it's like to grow up believing that you're NOT pretty. Don't tell me about 'beauty is only skin deep' kind of thing - I've read tonnes of that stuff to comfort myself. Well, sometimes it worked. But most of the times, it didn't. Because at the end of the day, it's always the pretty faces who get away with anything, get every task done first (since they have so many volunteers to help them with), get the job, and so on.. 

As long as I can remember, I was not jealous, But I was upset with how the world works.

But as I grew older, I've come to terms with that reality. That's just how the world works. People will go after what appeal to their eyes first.

And somehow I have this urge inside of me to change that sentiment. I don't know how to do that  but as for now, I'll just write it up first.

I remember when I was 15, I decided to focus on people's 'strength', hoping that people will look at me the same. There must be something unique in a person, even though as a whole, one may not look gorgeous like a supermodel. There must be something special about her. Maybe she has a nice smile, or  dimples, or beautifully aligned teeth, or almond-shaped eyes, nice long fingers, or soft long hair. Or you can go to personality wise; like a good humor, kind heart, pleasant personality, anything, anything at all. If you really look beyond typical appearance, you will find it. It works for me all these while. After I changed the way I look at people, I don't bother so much about my physical appearance anymore.

And I really hate to see that it is now acceptable in our community to promote white skin and thin body as the standard of 'beautiful'. I think in a way, it's a discrimination. I've come across some of my younger friends who commented on those whitening product in FB pages with the intention of buying them. Yes, they are not the 'white-skinned' type, but they are pretty just fine, if only they could see that themselves.

And that's the problem. I feel like we're being brainwashed by these beauty products' marketing strategy, promoting the so-called ideal of beauty. Like, if you want to be beautiful, you have to be putih dan kurus. And to be exposed to that idea 24/7, of course, it will get to us eventually.

And have you noticed our local celebrities who suddenly became fair and white? I really don't think it's such a healthy trend.  

Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against putih and kurus girls. I think I fall into that category, too, only I'm not the good-looking one. Of course, MOST of them are really good-looking. But my point here is, that is not the ONLY kind of beauty. You can be sawo matang and hitam manis; and still looking good. The problem is the mindset of our community - who doesn't see that, who makes fun of the skin colors other than 'white'. Personally, to me, it's a sick kind of perspective.

But you have no idea how it affects the kids yang chubby, yang tak putih bila diejek-ejek? You have no idea what it does to their self-esteem. Somehow I know that feeling, as a teenager with pimples and scars on my face - it's very upsetting to be ridiculed like that. The insults could do damage to our emotion for a lifetime. Of course, I don't blame the kids yang mengejek, but in the first place, they should not have the idea of 'putih/kurus tu cantik'. And again, who's responsible for inculcating such idea into their raw mind?

Having said these, I really admire Adibah Noor and Sherry Al-hadad so much. They don't fit in our society's requirement of typical beauty but to me, they are wayy more gorgeous than those who do. They are confident, smart and funny - tell me, what's not beautiful about this?

The thing is, when someone wants to be white and fair, that should be his/her personal desire. It shouldn't be generalized. It shouldn't be advertised. It shouldn't be normalized.

If you're born fair and white, it's okay. And if you are not, it's okay, too.

After all, we are a bunch of geo-politically-Nusantara people , why would we want to look like a Caucasian?

Baitil Jannati~Tzul Family Day 2017

It was a simple gathering to wrap up 2017 for #tzulfamily. 2 aktiviti je pun: bowling dan dinner but we had a blast.

Date: 8 Dec 2017

Venue : Premium Lanes, Kuantan Plaza and Restoran Jaman Tory, Cawangan Semambu, Kuantan

Yang paling tak tahan adalah cerita "Arnab dan Kura-kura" di sebalik bowling tournament tu. Hahaha. Bila favourite team dapat last place, while the 'underdogs' yang score banyak dan menang - memang kelakar. Tula, over-confident lagi 🤣🤣🤣

Share pictures and videos jelah.

Pembahagian kumpulan. Rupanya ada orang bagi list ni dekat kaunter tempat bowling tu, jadi diorang pergi key-in nama bowlers ikut list ni pulak

Premium Lanes, Kuantan Plaza

All of us

The champion : Team Aboh

And a video compiled by cousin, Ami:

Love you, semua keluarga.

Thrown and Stranded

I am out of breathe

and such sore to the eyes

waiting to die

waiting to be washed away.

Thrown and stranded I am

     wishing to be where 

     I belong.

Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate 😝😝

23 Years Ago

Pagi tadi pergi breakfast dengan Mak dan Abah dekat area pasar pagi, terjumpa cikgu kelas 6 Melati masa sekolah rendah dulu - Cikgu Fazidahanim.

Mula-mula tak cam masa mak tegur dia sebab macam terset dalam kepala yang itu kawan mak, maka tak terfikir rupanya beliau tu orang yang aku kenal. Bila cikgu senyum, baru aku cam. Senyuman yang sama macam 23 tahun yang dulu.

Memang tak pernah jumpa dah lepas habis sekolah rendah. Memang aku tak pernah dah terserempak dengan cikgu-cikgu (or even most of kawan-kawan sekolah rendah aku). Mungkin sebab aku dah tak duduk Kemaman sangat sejak tu, dan setiap kali cuti sekolah dan cuti sem dulu aku duduk memerap je kat rumah, maka kebarangkalian nak terjumpa sesiapa tu tipis sangat. Dan sekarang ni walaupun dah rajin merayap bila balik kampung, aku rasa kalau terjumpa pun mungkin aku dah tak berapa nak cam. Dah lama sangat.

Tapi cikgu masih ingat aku, siap ingat tahun dia mengajar aku, dan aku dapat offer sekolah mana lepas sekolah rendah tu, terharu sungguh! Jasamu ku kenang sampai bila-bila, cikgu 😘😘

Tak Pandai

Aku tak pandai menjadi redha.
.
.
Tapi aku pandai yakinkan diri
    aku bukan penting
pandai juga menghilang,
menjauh dari yang menyakitkan.
.
.
Atau;

Itu pun cabangan redha?

Love and Its Complications

Ramai orang yang nak jadi orang yang paling disayangi. Tapi aku rasa, tak ramai yang peduli tentang amanah yang datang bersama dengan menjadi yang paling disayangi.

Kebanyakan kita cuma nak ‘faedah’ yang datang dengan menjadi yang paling disayangi. Boleh mintak apa saja, pasti akan tertunaikan. Boleh nak mengada-ngada, mesti ada yang layan. Sakit sikit, ada tempat nak mengadu dan bermanja. Sakit banyak apatah lagi.

Tapi kita sedar tak, kalau kita ni adalah yang paling disayangi antara ramai, maka hanya kita yang mampu menggembirakan hati orang yang sayang sangat dekat kita tu. 

Selalunya dia tak tunjuk pengharapan dia sebab terlalu sayangkan kita, jadi kita akan terus lalai, terlupa untuk menggembirakan dia.

Jadi bagi aku, tak mengapalah kalau tak terlalu disayangi sebab aku rasa aku tak mampu nak pikul amanah menjadi yang diharapkan dan menjadi yang menggembirakan. 

Toleransi Sifar

Perihal nak bayar hutang.

Sambil  menunggu untuk dilayani, aku terbaca satu klausa di bawah artikel “Toleransi Sifar” atas meja bilik diskusi tu.  Aku tak ingat ayat penuh tapi lebih kurang “Pihak kami berhak untuk tidak melayan indidvidu yang berkelakuan kasar, mengeluarkan kata-kata kesat..”

Aku pun baca dengan nada sarkastik jelah memandangkan hari tu aku dah call 2,3 kali dan dah pergi ke  2 cawangan untuk selesaikan loan aku. Haishh, nak bayar hutang pun susah, tau.

Dan seperti dijangka, urusan aku tak dapat selesai hari tu pun memandangkan “It’s lunch time already”. Jadi diorang tak dapat confirmkan figure sebenar yang aku kena bayar untuk full settlement. Katanya, “petang ni atau esok kami akan call puan untuk maklumkan semula”. Hahaha, gelak jelah 🙄

Dan keesokan hari aku tunggu lah update seperti yang dijanjikan, tetapi seperti yang dijangkakan juga, tak ada sesiapa call aku pun. Maka terpaksalah aku yang call.

Pegawai yang mula-mula angkat tu memang sinis je nada percakapan dia, padahal aku tanya baik-baik, dengan nada paling naif sekali. Mula-mula aku sabar jelah, tapi bila makin menjadi-jadi, maka hilang jugaklah kesabaran. Tapi idoklah makcik mengeluarkan kata-kata kesat pun.

Aku malas lah nak mention institusi kewangan yang mana tu. Cuma nak remind diri aku next time janganlah berurusan kat sini lagi. 

Mentang-mentang ada ‘protection’ yang membenarkan diorang untuk tidak melayan sebarang kekasaran atau kata-kata kesat, maka diorang pun bolehlah menyindir-nyindir pelanggan dan bagi servis sesuka hati je ye?

Ironing Board

Hari tu cuci mata dekat Lazada, ternampaklah iron board ni harga RM40. Murah gila. Sebenarnya dah lama nak beli ironing board tapi asyiklah bertangguh-tangguh. Aku pulak memang sejenis yang tak fussy, jenis yang belasah je, jadi tak kisah pun selama ni duk menggosok atas tilam je. Maka lepas sehari, seminggu, sebulan, setahun, bertahun.

Tapi setiap kali bila ada tetamu datang, tiap kali tulah jadi segan pulak jadinya bila tak ada ironing board. Nak suruh diorang menggosok atas tilam macam aku buat tu tak sampai hati sikit. Tu jelah the only reason that forced me to buy one.

Jadi dah jumpa kat online dengan harga murah, aku pun decided nak beli. Tapi tengok jugaklah Review Rating, Ada dalam 10 reviews. Dan ada dalam 4 bad reviews. Bila ada bad reviews, aku mula-mula terfikir nak cancel order je. Tapi on a second thought, setakat benda-benda remeh yang dalam bad review tu, compared to aku yang menggosok atas tilam je sebelum ni?

Dan lagi, harga RM40, takkanlah aku nak expect ironing board macam kat hotel 4,5 bintang tu pulak kan?

But don't get me wrong - the rating  and review thingy is important for online purchasing. But on a more general perspective in our daily life, bagi aku, tak perlulah terikut-ikut atau terpengaruh sangat dengan orang lain punya ketidakpuasan hati. 

So my point here is, sometimes, someone else's concern is not really relevant to us. So don't let the whining of others gets to us.

Contoh, bila kawan duk merungut-rungut time makan kat warung biasa; panaslah, banyak lalatlah. Kita yang selama ni tak ambik port pun benda-benda macam tu, bila dengar dia merungut-rungut macam tu, mulalah nak rasa rimas jugak. Jadi kenalah cepat-cepat slap some sense to ourselves - don't let other's opinion (or even worse, whining) spoil our mood, especially when it actually never bothered us before.

Lagi satu contoh, bila masuk kerja tempat baru. Ni memang selalu terjadi, memang akan ada orang-orang lama kat company tu yang akan cerita benda buruk-buruk je pasal company tu. Kadang bila hari-hari dengar benda macam tu, at some point, kita pun mulalah nak terpengaruh padahal kalau difikir-fikirkan, our previous company was not any better pun.

People will always complain and whine over everything and even nothing. So it's up to us to filter and to NOT get influenced by the negativity.

And owh, my ironing board arrived just fine.

So there, the philosophy of an ironing board 🧐.

Evolusi Tapau

So I guess, now we get to judge what do others tapau eheh 😏😏

It's transparent, using *PP material. I think it's more recycle-friendly, compared to **PS. Senang nak basuh. (Eh, korang basuh dulu tak bekas/bag plastik yang nak di- recycle tu?)

Tetiba aku teringat persoalan aku tentang recycle program kat malaysia ni. Dekat recycle center tu nanti mereka akan sort ke barangan plastik ni ikut jenis-jenisnya atau macam mana? Ada sesiapa tau?

*PP - polypropylene

**PS - polystyrene

A Letter

"If you could write a letter to your younger-self, what would you write?"

So here is my letter:

Be Careful What You Wish For

"Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it"

Sometimes we do get what we wish for. BUT, it ALWAYS comes with a twist. And you end up wondering why doesn't it feel like a dream comes true?

The twists are those things that we often mis-look while wishing. So that's why they say, "BE CAREFUL". Because we don't see it coming along with our wishes.

But life is not supposed to be easy. Even having a wish granted can still be a hard thing.  

Surprise, Surprise

Cerita lama.

Nak buat surprise masa balik kampung, kononnya tak nak bagitahu sesiapa. Tahu-tahu je sampai depan pintu rumah gitu, haa... Tapi fikir-fikir balik, kang nanti mak abah tiba-tiba balik KT, camno? Maka, bagitahu mak dan abah jelah.

Sedang elok balik hari Sabtu. Biasanya menurut mak, adik-adikku semua akan berkumpul kat rumah mak hari Sabtu. Jadi aku pesan kat Mak jangan bagitahu sesiapa. Biar terkejut semua hehe.

Jadi, ni apa yang Mak ceritakan balik kat aku; Mak bagitahu kat mereka yang ada dekat rumah Mak masa tu, nanti Mak ada surprise untuk semua.

Tapi aku sampai lewat, dah malam baru sampai , maka boleh bayangkan bertalu-talulah soalan anak cucu yang tak sabar tu pada Mak sepanjang hari:

Mana surprise? 

Apa surprise tu?

Haha, kesian Mak, jenuh nak menjawab.

Yang kelakarnya, masa Mak bagitahu diorang tu, anak buah aku, si Aisyah, siap berdoa. Doanya, "Ya Allah, semoga surprise Tok Ma tu adalah Tilong"

Alaa, sweet sangat.

Maka menjadilah jugak surprise tu. Balik pulak dengan kereta lain, bila bukak tingkap barulah budak-budak tu menjerit. Haha, patut ambik gambar diorang masa tu.

Cry-on-prayer-mat Kind of Pain

I don't know about others, but as for me, the pain of hurting others is way more unbearable than being hurt by others. It was a feeling that was hard to live with. 

Semoga kita semua tidak tergolong dalam golongan yang menyakiti.

Not A Drama Queen

If you hurt me
I'll avoid you
     at all costs

If you don't need me
I'll leave you
    immediately

If you’re being ridiculous
I'll stay away
     as far as I could

So call me a quitter all you want
the truth for me is simple
I just don't do drama

So don't flatter yourself too much
you won't wake this sleeping lion up
because my peaceful sleep
is more worthy than your bullshit

I choose my battle selectively
and I don't deal with stupidity.


Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate 😝😝

Happens Everyday

I managed to finish reading this book in less than 5 days. To me, it’s such an accomplishment 🙄

Aku tak ingat bila dan kat mana aku beli buku ni. But looking at the yellow-ish pages, I’m sure it was more than 3 years ago. And based on the price label (harga RM18 😏), it’s from AEON, which makes me wonder, sejak bila AEON ada book department ni?

This book is written by Isabel Gillies. She was a former actress, was in Law&Order TV series (tapi aku tak pernah tengok series tu). Her writing reminds me so much of Susan Mayer, the character of  Desperate Housewives - devastated and funny at the same time.

It's about phases in her marriage and divorce. Sebenarnya cerita dia sedih, tapi disebabkan cara dia selalu describe seseorang, sesuatu atau tempat tu yang membuatkan gaya penceritaan dia kelakar. So I think it balances out the sadness.

There's one part - she mentioned about her mother who likes to use certain French words because it's more descriptive. Well, I think so, too, about Bahasa Indonesia.

And one interesting info I learn is that how some of the tall women somehow envy and feels insecure over petite women. Which in our (petite women) perspective, all we want are those long legs. Haha. In this case, Isabel is a tall woman, while 'the other woman' is a petite-figured woman.

On a serious note, in her book she openly talked about 'the other woman', the reason why her husband left her. So, in a way, I 'understand' now why the other woman IS the other woman. Because they are cold and heartless. They only care about themselves, nothing can change their mind; not the idea of wrecking someone's family, not the brokenhearted little kids, and of course, not the tears of a wife. At one point, Isabel did kneel to that ‘other woman’ to stop stealing her husband, but still, it didn't stop the other woman from pursuing her mission 😡😡😡

She described the way she dealt with the calamity which she tried everything she could to save her marriage until there was nothing she can do anymore. And then she slowly accepted her fate that her husband was really leaving her, went back to her parent's house with her two kids, took her time to grieve, took every help that she can get and lived one day at a time. And like every other sad story, the tough times eventually passed.

And I love what she wrote about being sad versus being angry. I always think sad is such a soft feeling, while anger is the opposite. Anger is a strong and heavy feeling, so to me,  it’s more difficult and complicated to handle a situation with that feeling, compared to being sad.

For the last part of her book, she even provided questions and points to be discussed in the book clubs. Menarik betullah budaya book club ni. Kat Malaysia bila nak sampai trend tu ye? Ke dah ada, aku yang tak tahu?

Facebook Status (Part II)

Sambungan.

The stories are not happily ever after.

But the stories are written by Allah.

Ever after or not, Allah knows best.

(Some stories doesn't have happily-ever-after ending.

But the stories are written by Allah.

Ever after or not, Allah knows best)

.

People live in denial because it's always easier to believe the comforting lies rather than an unbearable truth.

.

New year.

Looking back - it's amazing what CAN and CAN'T happen in a year.

Life goes on, anyways.

.

Behind a successful man is a very mentally and emotionally strong woman.

.

Facebook is becoming a place where people generalize their private issue. In order to tell that very someone in specific, we just have to tell the whole world in general.

.

I always feel that something is not right when the strong ones (read: men) are always excused for house chores.

What the strength is for, after all?

.

Making a scene in public is not cool.

Meroyan in media social is not cool, either.

BUT having affair with someone's husband?

Beyond 'not cool'.

.

Justification doesn't make a wrong right.

And the fact that it needs justification actually answer itself.

Because if it's the right thing to do, you'll just feel good about it.

.

Many people has greatness in them.

Only a few with goodness.

.

It takes a real man to handle a difficult woman.

.

I get really confused sometimes.

Why do some of us make fun of old people just because they're old?

I thought EVERYONE OF US gets old, too, eventually?

Well, unless, if you die young.

.

It's a world full of scam and hoax.

I wonder where do I stand (or fall) among them.

Random Act of Kindness #3

Aku memang banyak kejadian kat Jusco nampaknya.

Kali ni masa nak bayar parking dekat Autopay Machine tu. Dalam purse masa tu ada not RM50 sekeping dan beberapa syiling semata-mata.   Dalam kepala aku mencongak-congak; rasanya tak sampai sejam kot aku kat dalam ni jadi tak payah bayar parking. 

Tapi rupanya lebih sejam, so aku pun masukkanlah  Aeon card yang mana sepatutnya dapat lagi free parking for  the next one hour. Tapi card is unreadable pulak. Aku cuba masukkan syiling tapi slot untuk syiling tu macam kena blocked or stuck with something. Next, aku cuba cari butang cancel nak keluarkan balik tiket parking tu sementara nak pergi dapatkan bantuan RM1, tapi tak ada pulak butang yang seumpamanya. Sudah! Orang queue kat belakang makin ramai, tadi tak ada orang pun.

And fortunately, uncle yang tengah queue belakang aku hulur duit RM1. Aku tanya dia holeh tak aku bayar dia balik pakai syiling tapi dia kata tak payah.

Thank you, Uncle. You see, even one buck of kindness means so much when you are stucked in front of the autopay machine!

#spreadlovenothate

Breathe

Entah macam mana boleh ternampak buku ni kat explore Instagram. Being a Grey's Anatomy fan, I straightaway felt like I must have this book. Lagipun aku nak jugak tahu gaya penulisan seorang doktor.

Bila selidik, rupanya dijual dekat MPH je. Aku tak tahu mana nak cari MPH terdekat selain dalam airport. Dan memandangkan dah tak kerja area airport maka tak adalah pergi berpeleseran dalam airport tu lagi. Maka order online saja.

It ranked No.1 on MPH'S Bestsellers ranking. And most importantly, is the cheapest among the 20 books *ehehe

Lepas 2 hari order, dia pun sampai. But it has to get in line for its turn to be read, queue tengah panjang. Yeah, I know, perasaan berkobar tu masa belum dapat je, bila dah dapat, terus drop, like 100%.

Facebook Status (Part I)

Before I went on deactivating my FB, I took some (crazy) effort to copy my statuses from the beginning. Memang macam tak de kerja, but I actually feel very attached to each of them, because sometimes they just pop-up in my mind out of nowhere, so I must 'preserve' them somewhere that is not deactivated. Of course-lah boleh je re-activate balik FB tu on and off, but, let's not do that eheh.

While going through my old posts, I think, deactivating FB is really a right decision. Entah apa-apa aku mengarut dulu-dulu kat situ, haishh 🤦🏽‍♀️

Sekarang kalau ada quote yang tiba-tiba pop-up dalam kepala, aku letak kat sini je @mygoldpen

So, after finding and filtering, here are some of it:

Although i am not an emotional person, that doesn't mean i have no emotion.

.

I don't wave the flag

Or be presence at the merdeka parade

But that does not make me a non-patriotic Malaysian.

.

All I need is a nightmare.

To wake me up.

.

I am not paranoid.

I just don't know what to do.

.

"Some things are better left unsaid"

(but please read my mind)

.

Don't judge me.

You don't even know my shoe size.

What makes you think you can fit in it?

.

I want to be a good person.

But all I am is just a rational freak.

.

The reason why most people can't see is because they don't care.

.

It's not lost.

It's not forgotten.

It's subsconscious-ed.

.

Sometimes we forget to count the blessings when we are too busy being miserable.

.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe because I still don't know what to do.

.

It's when we close our eyes that we feel our heart.

But life requires us to open them to see reality.

Whatever, whatever.

.

What's the point of trying to try harder when you actually don't even want it anymore. 

.

There's a HUGE difference between being ego and being upset.

Just so you know.

.

Don't judge people by their facebook profile.

What's on the wall is only their alter ego.

.

The worst part is not being trapped.

The worst is believing that there is no way out.

.

I am not comfortable with people worrying too much about me.

It makes me worry even more.

.

Only The Brave

Pic: Google

Banyak dugaan nak tengok cerita ni. Showing time tak sesuailah, tak release dekat cinema terdekatlah, blabla..

But it's based on a true event, jadi, cabaran dugaan kami tempuhi jugak. So kami pergi tengok di cinema yang jarang pergi dan tak aware pasal parking location, ended up kami terpaksa tawaf the whole Aeon to get to our car after the movie sebab semua (closer) pintu kat shopping complex tu dah berkunci.

Dapatlah bersenam free pukul 12 malam adoii.

It's a sad movie, well, how could it not, since it was based on a very sad tragedy. Sedih, sampai termimpi-mimpi lepas tengok tu. Tak boleh bayang perasaan the 19 firefighters during their last moments tu.

Can you imagine taking shelter inside of this while the super-massive fire was blown over you? Well, I can’t 😔

Pic credit to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_shelter#/media/File:Fire_shelter.jpg

Dan lagi, the movie title planted in my mind as "The Last Brave", tak tahu mana datang phrase tu. Bila cakap pasal movie ni I kept on saying The Last Brave, instead of the correct one. 

Antara quote yang aku ingat:

"We don't see things as they are because we always see things as we are"

Gold Rush

Finally, habis jugak baca ni.

This book is by Micheal Johnson, athletics Olympic champion. It's about his journey of breaking the world's record for 200m and 400m and winning Olympic gold medals in 1996.

He also interviewed some other great athletes (from various sports) for their success story. So, every word in this book is inspiring and motivating.

Here's some of my favorites:

The Side Story of JDT-vs-KDA

Dah lama tak layan bola. ‘Layan’ as in tengok live match depan tv, and dozes off before the first half ends.

I was rooting for Kedah, but Johor won. It’s okay.

Sebenarnya nak cerita pasal my niece, Aisyah. Dia dapat tahu pasal final match tu, jadi dia tanya mak dia nak sokong mana. Lepas tu dia jawab sendiri pulak, “Sokong Johorlah kan, sebab Tilong duduk Johor”

Ololo, sweet sangat 😘😍.

This Is Not Goodbye

For the friends we ‘lost’ along the way.


As the seasons change
and the years go by
here we are
          growing apart

but this is not goodbye.

I am not keeping a distance
but we have to keep up with life,
where I am not in yours anymore
and you, not in mine

But my friend,
this is not goodbye

We are  no longer at the intersecting point;
so this is where our paths have to part
it’s not you,
it’s not me,
it’s life.

But this is not goodbye;

You will always have that spot in my heart
as someone I shared my tears and my laughter with,
as someone I shared one chapter of my life with

Although it may seem like it,
but this, my friend,
is not the end.



Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate 😝😝

The 'Mighty' Words

Don't indulge yourself too much on your current emotion. You might regret every word you say now while you're being overwhelmed with emotion. Especially when you're angry.

Angry people always say the 'stupidest' things.

And the worst part of it - the words are irreversible. Once it's said, you can't just take it back. Yes, you can apologize, but the pain that you've caused can't be undone.

So, be careful with words. You might deliberately say things to hurt someone TODAY, out of anger, out of rage.

But you'll never know what you might feel 10 years from now. Those words might haunt you back. The pain that you intentionally caused other people in the past, might be your biggest, intolerable regret one day.

You know what they say about regret; it lasts forever.

"Regret is a form of punishment itself"

 -Nourman Ali Khan-

What You Sow, You Reap

Konon. Padahal bukan tukang tanam, tukang petik je 😝😝😝

Ni lah dia, hasil tanaman petikan di kebun kecil depan rumah:

Momma chili + Baby chili 

Sebelum ni cili padi tu keluar banyak, berbelas-berbelas biji jugak. Tapi tak tertuai-tuai sampailah dia akhirnya mengecut dekat pokok tu. Dan kali ni dia keluar satu je. Merajuk dah kot.

Cili besar tu pun sama kes. Sebelum ni keluar 2,3 biji jugak. Kali ni satu je.

Okay, chillies, I'm picking you this time. Please sprout more, will you?

Thor Ragnarok

No spoiler, no worries 😉

Makcik bagi 5 bintang sebab kelakar, rasa macam tengok Guardians of The Galaxy pulak. Tapi Natalie Portman tak ada, mungkin sebab tak ada scene dekat Bumi sangat kot.

Nak listkan apa yang best:

1. Ada Mark Ruffalo

2. Karakter Loki yang tak konsisten tu - kejap baik, kejap jahat.

3. Thor dah potong rambut haha

4. The film score & soundtrack

5. Kelakar! (walaupun dah mention kat atas)

The Wilted Roses

I followed @celinezabad on Instagram. She posted this picture and asked her followers to caption this.

*I'm posting it here for my record*

All things must come to an end,

even the most beautiful thing.

Like roses.

Like you and me.

Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate 😝😝

Taste Bud Evolution

I think I'm slowly losing my Terengganu-ish taste bud nowadays. For example, I can no longer eat roti jala the Terengganu style (with kuah manis). Tak boleh telan dah. Mesti nak kena makan dengan kari ayam.

Lepas tu bila sesekali nak makan roasted chicken, I'd opt for Nando's instead of Kenny Rogers. Sebab Nando's ada sos yang Mild itu (walaupun masih tak tahan pedas, tapi nak jugak ada rasa pedas-pedas tu hahaha)

.

.

BUT, Kenny Rogers has this now (ke aku yang baru tahu):

Pedas, masam, manis

And they also have Honey BBQ and Smoked BBQ sauce

Konflik Diri

This is in my Draft box, something from 2012. I think it's unfinished, but I'm posting it anyway. It is still what I feel, up until now. The battle that I need to struggle everyday, especially at work. Because I need to be something that I am not. I do have trouble fitting in the ruthless and political world.

Here goes..

Pagi semalam, macam biasa, dengar motivasi pagi - semalam pasal sifat "Saya yang salah". And I keep on thinking about that all day.

To be honest, that's kinda who I am. Every time something that is not right happens, my initial spontaneous reaction would be - finding my own fault.
Only the way I see it - it's a disadvantage. I hate that about me - rasa macam senang dibuli, ditindas dan dipijak. I kinda look up to people who always manage to make everything that went wrong as everybody else's fault. It's easier to be that way, right?

Tapi bila ustaz kata "Sebenarnya dalam dunia ni, tak ada siapa yang boleh tindas kita atau hina kita. Hanya Allah yang boleh untuk hina kita"

My mind went ........... tak tahu nak pikir macam mana. Sebak pun ye. 

Maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe I just need to love myself a little bit more.

After all, bukankah pandangan Allah itu lebih penting?

Declaration

Ini cerita masa pergi interview hari tu.

Pengalaman pertama terjumpa 'clause' ni dalam employment form. Right after police conviction and smoking declaration pulak tu.

I found it a little bit disturbing that it needs to be declared upon employment. But it didn't surprise me that much masa tengok keadaan kilang tu. In fact, I did want to just walk away while waiting for the interviewer. But on a second thought, nanti kang black-listed pulak dalam Jobstreet tu maka hadap jelah. 

Apam Balik Traffic Jam

Masa balik kampung for Raya Haji, apam balik ni jadi penyebab jalan jam di Kota Tinggi. Lebih kurang sejam jugak stuck dalam jam. Ingatkan ada accident ke apa, rupanya sebab orang berhenti tepi jalan nak beli dia.

Okay, nama sebenar dia - Apam Balik Jalan Mawai. To me, memang sedap. Bahagian tepung dia tu lembutnya lahai. Tak pernah lagi makan apam balik lembut dan fluffy macam ni *drooling while writing this 🤤🤤🤤

Ada banyak perisa (seperti tertera pada pembungkus) tapi kami beli yang original je, harganya RM2.50.

Semoga

Semoga kamu temui damai dalam kekalutan yang kamu ciptakan.

Semoga suatu hari kamu akan ‘dewasa’ sebelum terlambat.

Semoga kamu bahagia dengan segala kebencian di hati kamu.

Ya, semoga kamu bahagia selalu.


p/s: Untuk para pembenci.

Bimbo?

First of all, I'm curious - does the word 'bimbo' only associated to pretty face?

Second of all, I don't think anyone should ever address anyone else 'bimbo' as in intellectual capability. 

Especially not when you're the smart one.

Well, just saying.

Me,

Not-so-clever-girl.

Retak Satu Part II

I wrote about similar incident here

And my sister sent this video a couple days ago. I LOL-ed the moment I watched it.

Kita senasib, only the plate of hers broke for a valid reason (or must I say a very SOLID reason) that a mortar fell onto it. Haha, another LOL. Sorry, Buyan.

So, misi mencari pinggan mangkuk is ON.

Siakap Viral

Sebenarnya kedai makan ni yang viral, di Kampung Pasir Putih, Pasir Gudang:

Parking lot is provided

Pilihan lauk dah tak banyak masa kami sampai. Rata-rata yang datang sini memang makan the famous siakap goreng.

These were what we had (udang goreng dan lauk lain dah habis by that time).

Kami pergi time lunch on weekdays, walaupun orang ramai jugak tapi tak perlu menunggu. Servis sangat okay dan cepat. But I guess, I'm just not a fan of siakap goreng.

The scenery - macam tak menarik sangat.

The Kuih Heaven

Sejenis kegembiraan yang tak terkata bila dapat pergi sini. Atau tempat-tempat seumpama ni. Dapat berada di kalangan kuih-kuih manis dan lemak berkrim ni memang sangat heaven for such a sweet tooth like me.

Pictures were taken at Pasar Batu Enam, Kuala Nerus:

Yang ni kalau kat Terengganu, dipanggil 'nganang'. Sorry, tak tahu nama saintifik dia. Rasa dia lebih kurang kuih akok.

Jumpa kuih yang aku sangat masa kecik-kecik dulu:

Tepung Pasung. Dapat tahu nama ni lepas aku google "kuih Terengganu bentuk kon"

And this is the secret ingredient to some meal!