The Berry Story

I told him when we were strolling out of Aeon that day, that I was out of cranberries stock.

No you’re not, he answered confidently.

I repeated my statement, firmly, told him I ate them all in the office when he assumed that I must’ve thrown them away.

Back at home, he found a pack of blueberries inside the refrigerator, showed them to me and told me I was lying about finishing the berries.

I laughed instantly. I said “Cranberries, not blueberries”

So yeah, communication is key.

What The Boss Said

My ex-boss once told me that I underestimated myself. Well, you know what, boss, that’s not news eheh. I’ve been living my whole life doing that, I guess. I wish I could change that part of me, but again and again I’m back at that place where I doubt myself, look down on me and underestimate myself. I know, I’m actually my biggest bully.. sobs.

I consider myself a ‘damaged soul’, which according to my husband, it would take a developed-country-psychiatric to figure me out. And as twisted as my mind can be, I do take that as a compliment, haha. But anyways, I think bits by bits I’m trying to recover. Sometimes I managed, sometimes I didn’t. But all in all, I grew, I guess.

Salon

Dah lama tak ke salon rambut. The truth is, I always feel uneasy about the idea of going to all sorts of beauty care, be it spa, hair salon and whatnot. The main reason is because of my low self-esteem, so I don’t like it when people go highlighting all of my flaws that I am already full aware of. Which leads to the second reason - due to the ‘defects’ it would be so easy for the masseuse or hairsylist to promote their services/products. Which annoyed me like hell. Argghh. 

Weekend lepas sempat curi masa kejap pergi potong rambut, and as I expected, yang potong rambut tu ‘analyzed’ my hair and promoted lah segala mala  service/product yang diorang ada. No surprise there. Tapi tak tahan mendengarkan the prices. Semua harga RM300 and above. Selamba je bagitahu harga sekian sekian macam benda tu perkara biasa. Haha. Memang tak lah nak ambik pakej treatment seribu lebih tu.

Rasanya kalau beli produk bodyshop dan buat semua sendiri okay kot. I mean untuk rakyat marhaen macam aku. Okaylah, tu je nak bebel.

Aging Factor

Entah kenapa hari ni tersentap pulak dengan statement pasal orang tua-orang muda ni. Mungkin faktor usia, eheh.

Yang sebetulnya aku selalu ada kerisauan bab-bab dressing, sebab aku mostly masih stick to the same old dressing style like when I was in my early 20’s. Masih pakai jeans, tshirt, sneakers, and my bags collection pun masih sama style macam zaman study dulu. Haha, bila taip ni rasa macam selekehnya lah makcik ni. Berbalik isu risau tadi - risau takut nampak macam orang tua tak sedar diri dressing macam budak-budak. Gitu. Tapi selalunya aku sedapkan hati, asalkan tutup aurat dan kita sendiri selesa dalam pakaian tu, lantaklah apa orang nak kata kan?

Isu sentap tadi ada kaitan dengan perihal dressing ni. Tapi contradicted sungguh dengan kerisauan aku selama ni. Aku malas nak taip panjang-panjang pasal tu, cuma nak point out the point yang aku boleh pulak ‘tersentap’ dengan statement orang pasal ‘dressing orang muda-orang tua’. 

Nampak sangat makcik dah tua, dah cepat sentap. Haishhh..

Okay, tak de point sungguh post ni, makcik saja nak membebel (in a subtle way-lah konon). Sekian bebelan.

The Forsaken

I care too much

about you

about them

about everyone

about everything

else, but me

.

**malas pulak nak pi cari dan tepek disclaimer 😅

175cm

Tinggi gila 175cm. Haha, tiba-tiba sungguh.

Yelah, banyak model-model ni tingginya 175cm, memperagakan clothing yang bersaiz S. Maka aku tertanya-tanya, aku yang kurang ketinggian ni nak beli saiz apa? Adehla.

Maka aku pun sedar diri dan tak jenguk dah baju-baju berukuran model-model tu.

The Media Social in Dark Blue

I activated my Facebook recently, stayed active for a while - added a few new friends and even posted a “What’s On Your Mind” thing (why don’t I just say ‘post a status’ 🙄), and owh, not to mention all the stalking to ‘catch up’ and ‘keep up’ with.

*sigh. Spent Wasted such a good time there.

So, I guess it really is not for me anymore. I’m better off without it.

Of Twisted Mind

I keep reminding myself

that it is too good to be true.

That it must comes with a twist.

And then I realized after it’s already too late;

that I am the twist.

Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate 😝😝

Matter of the Heart

Why has it been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote in here? And I actually type writed, instead of wrote in the last phrase *sigh. Something is quite wrong with me *sigh again.

I was not busy at all. I had things in mind that I want to write about, but I just didn’t feel like writing. Haha, same old excuses.

I wanted to write about Ketupat Palas. There was a story about ketupat palas. Well, not really a story, more of a thought, actually. But, haihh, don’t really how to. Haha. So will get to that on the next next post.

Something had changed in these past 3 weeks. I realise that as I get older, change is hard. Change is sad. Change is depressive. I didnt really know how to deal with change lately. So I just keep telling myself to keep istighfar, praying that the heavy feeling in my heart would be lifted out. Alhamdulillah, after 3 days, I got better. And I’m fine now. Alhamdulillah.

So the point is, Allah is the owner of our heart, He is the turner of the heart. So always, always turn to Him. And ask Him.

Please Don’t Fade Away

Sometimes it seems

there are not enough memories

to remember things by

And the sadder part is,

even memories fail at times

I don’t want to forget,

so please don’t fade away.

Of The Good and The Bad

Yesterday was everything that had always made me questioned myself. Questions like, the reason of my existence in this world, blablabla😔But I’d rather not write all those questions down. It’s not healthy, I know. So, anyways, among those that made me feel like hell,  somehow, there were goodness out of nowhere, when I expected the worst to come.

Bila orang lain buat arrangement yang aku kena handle tapi aku tak aware of the consequences, dan buatkan aku terpaksa went against all odds. Kena marah dengan ramai orang due to the arrangement (which was made by others), ditambah dengan last minute bail-out, nak kena arrange new person in charge in such a short notice. Lepas tu nak kena buy time, which was not easy for someone who doesnt like to talk like me.

Almost every person I called scolded me, some even just hung up on me. But I didnt cry. I had no time to cry yesterday. Masa tu cuma fikir macam mana nak setelkan benda tu je. 

And when I said sorry to the person who’s primarily affected by the whole cazy and stupid arrangement, guess what he said? “Don’t worry about it. You orang baik, I appreciate your time”

Well, I’m crying by the time I’m writing this. Masa tu memang rasa comforted bila dapat dengar perkataan yang baik-baik after some harsh ones. Because that was exactly what I needed at the moment. No, not the pujian or appreciation, just some undertanding. He had every reason to be upset and mengamuk, but he chose not to. Big respect.

Bila type ni barulah rasa sebak. Sampainyalah hati diorang tu semua. Huhu. Entahlah, aku pun malas nak fikir sangat pasal orang-orang yang marah-marah aku padahal aku pun dalam keadaan tersepit jugak. Tak pelah, aku tak nak pikir pasal diorang dah. Sebab di sebalik orang- orang yang disrespectful tu, Allah turunkan lebih ramai orang yang baik-baik, yang helpful, easy-going dan menyenangkan urusan aku. Alhamdulillah. Sobsob, sebak lagi..

Selain individu yang aku sebut kat atas tu, ada satu team yang senang sangat nak bekerjasama bila aku mintak support dari diorang. Sekali call je terus datang, tak ada banyak songeh macam team yang lagi satu. Sampai aku rasa macam, eh, biar betul? Aku doakan Allah permudahkan urusan mereka yang memudahkan urusan orang lain.

“If you keep thinking too much of what’s bad, you might end up losing what’s good” -Good Witch-

Yes, I should always keep this in mind. It’s not even worth it to keep thinking about the bad people who hurts you without feeling any guilt.

I guess, I found a little comfort in telling myself that - if people treat you like trash, that is actually a reflection of themselves. Period.

Owh, speaking of Good Witch, season 4 dah keluar kat Netflix. Yeayyy!  Bolehlah marathon cuti 4 hari ni.

The Unsaid

Somethings are better left unsaid, they say.

Which is absolutely true. People would assume they know what’s in your heart based on how you choose to appear on the outside. And as for me, I dont like drama. And I’m bad at expressing myself. And I dont like explaining myself too much.

Most of the times I just go along with what people assume about me. That is much easier and saves up a lot of energy, at least for me. Because dealing with the truth, especially of my own failure is really, really exhausting. 

I did cry inside, but I just laughed it out. Well, this feeling of failing at something is not funny, and it’s far from happy. But like they say, somethings are really better left unsaid.

So, yeah..

The One Job

Sometimes, your job is to ensure that people get the credit they deserve.

And as for you, the credit is out of question. Because it is your job.

Skyscraper

Been wanting to watch this movie as soon as it was released. But my husband didn’t really want to watch it. And after I tolerated his choice of Hotel Transvylnia (macam salah je eja ni), he finally agreed to watch Skyscraper. 

Baru sedar yang aku minat The Rock rupanya hahaha. Sebab setakat ni, semua movie dia yang aku tengok, watak dia mesti kelakar, no matter how intense the storyline is.

Walaupun husband aku tidur masa tengok movie ni, aku tetap nak bagi 4 bintang. Sebab aku suka elemen kekeluargaan tu dan the futuristic design of the tower. 

The Redeem Month

Redeem list:

• GSC 2 free tickets
• TGV 2 free tickets plus popcorn kot
• Vivo
• Ikea (ok, ni bukan redeem, cuma boleh collect point x3)

Haha, tak banyak pun rupanya. 

E-Mail

Situasi 1:

Bila kita tak (sempat) baca e-mail;

“Kenalah baca e-mail. Kenalah alert sikit”

Situasi 2:

Bila orang tak baca e-mail;

“Mana boleh main e-mail je. Ingat orang baca e-mail ke?”

Haihhh.. Adat dunia.

The Philosophy of Tauhu Bergedil

Teringin nak makan tauhu bergedil. Kebetulan dapat cabut awal, sempatlah menyinggah ke pasar malam.

Tapi dah tertulis rezeki tauhu bergedil tu tak ada untuk aku hari ni. Walaupun dapat pi pasar malam hari ni, kakak yang jual tu pulak tak ada menjual. 

Yup, life is like that.

Thank You

When someone said it straight to my face what I’ve already know all along.

I appreciate your bluntness, sir, although it’s so not healthy for my soul. *sigh. But right now, I don’t even have the strength to cry.

I don’t cry over stupid things, I guess.

The Name

I have such a long name. 3 words, or 6, if includes my father’s name. Other than the length issue, I will always have to answer the ‘kerabat’ question which my answer would always be ‘not related’. Malas nak bukak cerita sejarah, lagipun belum khatam habis lagi bab susur- galur tu.

The truth is, I don’t like it when people call me by my first name by default. I would prefer to be called Izza. Nurul would be acceptable lah jugak.  Tapi tolonglah jangan panggil Tengku 🙄

Okay, tu je nak bebel.

Tips for the Klutz

I found myself always struggling wearing one of the gear at work. I thought I wore it right but from time to time, it messed up.

That day when I sat aside, fixing my gear when it got out of place, suddenly one kind kakak approached me and sharing me tips how to wear it easier.

In a midst of a hectic day, a kind gesture like that from a stranger really warmed my heart.

The Arrogant Ones

How can people be so arrogant? Do they think they’re above others? Better than others? Selfish? Or just plain confident? Or perhaps, super-confident?

While me, on the other hand, have so much empathy, I guess. I can’t bring myself to be one because all I do is putting myself in others’ shoes. Demmit.

How I Met Your Mother

Netflix dah ada HIMYM. So boleh marathon untuk kali kedua (kononnya). Tapi rupanya tak kuasa dah nak re-watch. I ended up watching the very first episode and the last 4 episodes of season 9 je.

“You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.” -Ted-

But sometimes, there are not really much to be done, I guess. When it’s time to part ways, all we can do is reminiscing the good old times (as long as it’s not faded away, that is). The past is past, no matter how much we want to re-live it. 

The truth is, I miss a lot of people.

The Rules

Workplace rules for happy life:

1. Trust no one but respect  everyone.

2. What happens in office, remains in office. Never take office gossips to home and vice versa.

3. Enter office on time, leave on time. Your desktop is not helping to improve your health.

4. Never make Relationships in the work place. It will always backfire.

5. Expect nothing. If somebody helps, feel thankful. If not, you will learn to know things on your own.

6. Never rush for a position. If you get promoted, congrats. If not, it doesn't matter. You will always be remembered for your knowledge and politeness, not for your designation.

7. Never run behind office stuff. You have better things to do in life.

8. Avoid taking everything on your ego. Your salary matters. You are being paid. Use your assets to get happiness.

9. It doesn't matter how people treat you. Be humble. You are not everyone's cup of tea.

10. In the end nothing matters except family, friends, home, and Inner peace.

[World's Mental health day theme by WHO, Mental Health at work place]

http://www.who.int/mental_health/world-mental-health-day/2017/en/

Nikmat Yang Ditarik

Don’t remember if I ever did blog about this. I have this problem, from time to time. And if I remember it correctly, for the past recent years, it had been like once a year.

Not to whine about it, but it actually hits that I have always take it for granted - the appetite. Because once I lose it, kalau orang hidang laksa Thai (the one with green curry) depan mata pun, aku tak mampu nak telan *nangis. Okay, laksa Thai is my current favourite food. 

Even tengok makanan pun kadang-kadang ada rasa nak throw up. Haishhh.. Buat aku terfikir jugak, mungkin ni macam 10% of what preggie mommies yang ada morning sickness yang teruk-teruk tu rasa kot. 

Dengan ada gastritis problem ni, jadi double trouble bila tak dapat nak makan ni. Itulah dia, nikmat yang kita tak berapa nak bersyukur selama ni, Allah nak tarik bila-bila masa je kan

Hopefully, my appetite’ll come back pretty soon.

Meet Me In The Middle

Why don't you just meet me in the middle

I’m losing my mind just a little

Pagi, petang duk dengar lagu ni. Tak tahu lagu apa, siapa yang nyanyi. Tak kuasa nak google. Aku agak Selena Gomez, betul ke?

25 June 2018

Semoga Allah permudahkan semua urusan di sini nanti. Semoga ini adalah jawapan untuk doaku tentang hal yang ini.

Amin.

And I just want me to remember this if things get tough, that “Comfort zone never takes anyone anywhere”.

Bismillah.

Perihal Raya 2018 [Part IV]

Okay, sebenarnya bukan nak cerita raya dah pun. Nak membebel je haha.

Tiba-tiba rasa nak makan ketupat palas dengan rendang. Huhu. Padahal menu tu ada je raya pertama baru-baru ni, tapi tak sempat nak makan. Haha, kemain tak sempat, macam busy bebenor. Tak pastilah kenapa sampai tak sempat nak makan, mungkin sebab banyak sangat makanan lain kot, sebijik ketupat pun tak termakan. Uwaaa.

Tahun lepas pun macam ni. Lepas raya, dah balik JB, mulalah teringat-ingat. Satu hal pulak nak cari ketupat palas kat JB ni 😭

Perihal Raya 2018 [Part III]

Sebenarnya bersyukur sebab bila pergi beraya, orang tak hidangkan teh ais. Ehehe. Kalaulah semua rumah jamu teh ais (atau kopi ais), memang demamlah jawabnya time raya. Sebab lepas raya ni, ramai orang dah start sakit tekak dan batuk dan demam, mungkin sebab penangan minum ais masa beraya. Owh, kopi dan teh panas pun tak jumpa jugak sepanjang beraya, jadi terkawal jugaklah sugar intake (konon!). Padahal makan kuih raya tak ingat!

Tapi memandangkan orang keliling dah sakit-sakit, maka aura tak sihat tu dah mula nak menyinggah jugak. Harap dapatlah ditepis, insyaAllah.

Perihal Raya 2018 (Part II)

Raya kedua hari tu pergi melawat nenek saudara belah mak, dia kena second stroke, dah tak boleh bercakap, tak boleh bangun.

Sayu sangat masa salam, dia pandang aku lama, rasanya dia tak kenal kot sebab jarang sangat jumpa bila dah besar panjang ni.

Patutlah kita ni diwajibkan pergi melawat orang sakit. Bila tengok keadaan Tok Su terasa ada satu keinsafan dalam diri. Betapa selama ni tak jaga kesihatan (esp in terms of food intake and exercise) dan juga bab-bab ibadah - betapa beruntungnya kita yang masih mampu solat dalam keadaan sempurna. Dan dari segi komunikasi pulak, adakah kita ni gunakan nikmat dapat mendengar dan bercakap tu dengan benda-benda yang baik dan bermanfaat sahaja. 

Semoga Tok Su dipermudahkan segala urusan, dikurangkan kesakitan dan diberi kesembuhan.

Perihal Raya 2018 (Part I)

Cerita malam raya. Aku memang plan dari awal Ramadhan kalau dapat berjaya azam Ramadhan tahun ni, aku nak buat pulut kuning dengan rendang. Jadi, malam raya tu pulunlah buat rendang ayam dan daging kat rumah nenek.

Nak dijadikan cerita dah dekat pukul 12 tu, black-outlah pulak. Nasib baik bateri phone ada separuh lagi, maka memasaklah di bawah sinaran flashlight. Dan nasib baik jugaklah masa tu tengah tunggu rendang kering je.

Lepas setel bab rendang, badan dah letih, kepala dah rasa ting-tong, tapi masalahnya tak boleh tidur sebab kepanasan. Haru sungguhlah memikirkan esok nak bangun awal nak mengukus pulut kuning pulak. 

Tapi mujurlah ada jugak balik elekrik setelah berapa lama menunggu. Tengah nak lelap tu, dua kali pulak lagi black out balik. Sampai dua pagi jugaklah keadaan tu. Dugaan sungguhlah di malam raya. Jadi esoknya tak dapatlah bangun awal sangat. Pukul 6 pagi baru mula bahagian pulut kuning.

Sekian cerita malam raya.

Interview Stuffs

Ada satu finding yang aku dapat sepanjang mengumpul pengalaman interview ni.

Kalau yang call untuk panggil interview tu adalah interviewer itu sendiri, maka berhati-hatilah. Kebarangkalian untuk syarikat tu untuk tidak menitikberatkan hal ehwal kebajikan pekerja adalah sangat tinggi. Atau dalam bahasa lain - company cap ayam.

Haha. Yelah, secara logiknya, company macam ni tak ada prosedur sangat, maka berterabur sikitlah segala sistem. Tu yang panggil interview tak melalui HR pun. Maka, tanyalah dulu ada surau ke tidak, bagi yang beragama Islam.

The Fighting Mocha

Catatan dalam italic font di bawah ni sebenarnya bertarikh 8 Jun. Tertunda sebab konon-konon nak selit sekali gambar si Mocha dan kecederaan dia. Tapi tak sampai hati pulak nak ambik gambar memandangkan he was not his usual self, especially the first two days. Duduk berkurung dalam cathouse dia je. Setakat hari ni aku jumpa empat kesan cakar/gigit. Harap-harap tak ada lagi dah.

Sedih bila tengok dia bergomol depan mata, siap nampak darah meleleh kat mata dia. Hancur luluh hatiku. Aku cuba leraikan diorang dengan jirus air paip, eh, makin menjadi-jadi pulak diorang bergomol. Aku panggil-panggil nama Mocha dia langsung tak layan aku. Siap dengan anjing-anjing jiran mengintai dan menyalak sama, meriah betul. Apalah jiran-jiran aku cakap kalau diorang nampak aku dalam keadaan macam tu.

Last-last aku tolak waste bin warna hijau kat luar rumah tu, jadi Mocha terkejutlah dengar bunyi tong sampah tu diseret atas jalan, cepat-cepat dia masuk pagar rumah jiran. Kucing lagi satu tu pun terus blah jugak.

Lepas dah berjaya pujuk dia keluar dari kawasan rumah jiran tu, cepat-cepat aku bawak masuk rumah. Tengok mata kiri dia lain macam. Berair, dan bila aku cuba kesat-kesat, ada darah. Aku takut kalau ada luka dalam biji mata maka bawaklah ke klinik. Alhamdulillah, his eyeball is clear. Cuma kena dekat lid dan dekat belakang tengkuk, dan menurut kata vet, tak perlu risau sangat. Actually ada luka dekat bahagian tangan or kaki jugak tu, tapi vet tak dapat nak check sebab dia jadi garang bebenor.

So Mocha, I will remember this day, your fighting day. I always thought you don’t have it in you, but today, you prove me wrong.

Get well soon, kiddo!

The Us That Didn’t Give Up

I’m glad
that we are very different,
so that every day,
is a learning process,
to know me
and to know you.

I’m glad
that we’ve survived all the hardships
that no one else know,
I’m glad we get to keep to ourselves
all the sad and bad episodes of life,
the episodes that only we know.

I’m glad that as it sometimes seems dysfunctional
and impossible,
we’re still in this.

I’m glad I didn’t give up
I’m glad that you didn’t, too
when it seemed like there was no hope;
when we struggled to find the slightest light,
I’m glad we hold on to whatever that’s left
     to carry on.

I’m glad that we are the bad person
for each other at times,
and still be the goodness for each other
every time.

I’m glad we never combine our names,
I’m glad we never wear matchy color clothes when we’re out,
I’m glad we don’t have our own song,
I’m glad we are not one of those typical stuff.

I’m glad we’re one of a kind,
and for what it’s worth,
I’m glad we are us.

And mostly,
after all of these times,
I’m glad we didn’t give up on each other.

The Diary

I’ve found this journal of mine in the cat’s room. Okay, it's actually a storage room, but the kucings sleep in there, too 😂

So, the journal was dated somewhere in between 2007 and a bit of 2008. Zaman bujang, masa mula-mula merantau ke JB dulu, duduk rumah bujang - menempuhi alam pekerjaan dan alam dewasa. Gitu..

Reading it back giving me such a mixed feelings! It’s like opening doors that I do not wish to open anymore haha. Some of it reminded me of those who had hurt me in the past. Haishh, I think I really shouldn't have read it. Visiting the past that I've already forgotten is so not healthy. Haishh lagi. But, come to think of that, I am no longer the same person that I was in 2007, so I bet those people must have changed, too.

Masa ni actually dah start blogging, tapi on a different blog account. Zaman tu internet was not on-the-go, kerja macam orang gila, kat office tak sempat dan ditambah dengan faktor jujur, maka tak ada curi-curi blogging punya (haha, yeke?), hence, the journal.

Aku tak sure mane aku jumpa puisi ni, gigh kan, siap salin haa.. So tepeklah kat sini sikit. Lain-lain page tak boleh nak share, a little too personal eheh.

I don't think my handwriting looks like this anymore 

I, Steve

This book is a compilation of the late Steve Jobs’ words from various interviews, conferences, etc etc.

Even it’s featured in Playboy, it doesn’t sound less smart 😜

He saw himself as both technologist and artist.

I always believe that among the greatest men in history are those with both science and art talent. Take Ibnu Sina, he mastered both Medicine and Philosophy & Poetry; Al-Kindi, a mathematician, physician, chemist and also a great poet and musician. And Al-Farabi, who was a scientist, cosmologist, mathematician and musician.

And we have Steve Jobs from our era.

And this was Steve Jobs' resignation letter, about two months before he died, 😭

How About

How about
   running carefreely when time freezes?
And how about
    standing still in the middle of chaos?


How about
     beating the odds
   and coming through stronger, anyway?

How about that?

Puasa: The Challenge

This year’s puasa hasn’t been easy for me. My perut didn’t go easy on me so far. Aku try and error je what to take during sahur. So far, fresh milk+ ESP and dates. But didn’t really seem to work. Jadi rasanya kena cut back fresh milk kot ni. Kadang-kadang fresh milk is okay, but for these few days, it was not, entahlah..

But, thank God for Gaviscon.

Lepas ni kena makan oat baliklah nampak gaya for sahur. Hopefully okay. Nak kena variasikan cara makan oat tu jelah. 

1998 - 2018

I think I just have to document this. I don't exactly know why, but DSAI's release seems like an important thing to remember.

It all started in 1998 - when he was sacked - I was already pro-Anwar. I started adding alphabet H at the end of my name, bersempena nama anak beliau, Nurul Izzah. To be exact, aku eja nama aku macam ni - Izza(h). Haha, kengkonon, either way, Izza or Izzah. Pernah terlintas jugak dalam fikiran masa tu, mungkin bakal suami nanti orang yang nama start dengan huruf H kot. In hindsight, it actually made sense, haha.

Dan seingat aku lagi, mak pernah bagitau that Mak Abah named me after Anwar Ibrahim's daughter,  who is 2 years older than me, so it made sense. Mungkin Mak Abah memang dah follow Anwar Ibrahim dah zaman tu.

Teringat malam-malam lepas prep duk bersembang hal politik dengan dormmates. Masa tu internet was scarce, tak di hujung jari macam sekarang. Dan bukan semua orang ada line Internet dekat rumah.  Maka we based on hardcopy reading materials, newspaper from both government and opposition sides, lepas tu ada lah flyers and brcohures. And the fact that one of the girls in my batch is related to Anwar Ibrahim. 

Semangat reformasi masa tu memang lain macam, haha. Tapi aku tak pernahlah join mana-mana demonstrasi Reformasi masa tu. Ada satu malam, lepas habis prep malam, masa nak balik hostel, ada ramai FRU dalam school compund, tapi dah tak ingat kenapa. Mungkin ada demonstrasi kat PWTC kot. Cuaklah perasaan masa tu. But nothing bad happened.

Masa matriks pun jumpa ramai geng yang sama ideologi jadi semangat tu tetap menebal.

Tapi zaman uni macam dah slowed down. I don't remember why. Mungkin tak ada geng yang sama-sama haluan kiri. atau disebabkan Aukujanji masa tu. By right, masa tahun PRU 2004 I was already entitled to vote, but I'm pretty sure I didn't register. Tapi kalau register pun mungkin tak balik mengundi jugak, sebab zaman tu bukannya boleh suka-suka balik kampung sebab faktor harga tiket bas dan jarak perjalanan yang sungguh tak mesra pelajar. 

Bila dah kerja, ni zaman yang aku lost track of almost memories. Tapi aku pernah terserempak dengan Nurul Izzah kat Bangsar Village somewhere in 2008 or 2009, fangirl moment kejap, tapi cuma senyum dari jauh jelah. 

Dan masa PRU13, adalah timbul balik semangat tu sebab ada gang, mostly my Chinese friends. Tapi seingat aku masa tu bukan semangat reformasi dah, more to spread anti-racism sentiment lah kononnya. And also, it was my first time voting, although the ones I voted for both DUN and Parlimen lost.

So now, 2018, after 20 years, Anwar Ibrahim is finally a free man. Sebagai salah seorang yang pro-his side all the way, it is an inspiring moment for me. Of what patience and perseverance pays.

A Cup of Comfort

I read this book in between of everything. So it took quite some time to finally finish this, hence, the wrinkly cover.  It consists of  short stories, ada yang betul-betul heart-warming, tapi ada jugak yang biasa-biasa, yang tak sampai ke hati sangat. 

Of all stories, I like "The Color of Prejudice" best. So, let me quote a few words from the story:

"Being hateful to someone who's been hateful to you just builds more hate. Hate leads to violence"

"I believe prejudice is fear and envy camouflaged as anger. And I believe fear and envy come from ignorance, from not really knowing or understanding the other person"

~M.A.Kosak

Overall, this book is a light read. 

Ramadhan 1439

Salam Ramadhan.

Well, it’s already day 2 of Ramadhan.

Rasanya topik yang hangat sebelum puasa adalah perihal kemaafan. Satu, pengampunan DSAI. Kedua, di kalangan kita semua, bila nak masuk Ramadhan, masing-masing bertukar ucapan maaf. 

Yang paling menyentuh hati, bila aku mintak maaf, orang cakap “Kau tak ada buat salah apa pun". 

Well, of course I had. Tapi mungkin kesalahan lama tu orang betul-betul dah maafkan sampai anggap kita macam tak pernah buat salah, sobsob, terharu..

Jadi, itulah dia. Kita kena berlapang dada untuk maafkan orang, terutama untuk orang yang betul-betul perlukan kemaafan kita.  Bukan saja kita bebaskan diri sendiri dari perasaan dendam dan marah, tetapi juga beri harapan pada orang yang kita maafkan tu.

Displaced & Forgotten

This is actually my latest purchase, but I cut the books queue and read it first.  There are true stories told by the refugees who seek asylum in Malaysia. Some are from conflicted countries like Palestine, Syria, Cambodia, Myanmar; and some are from the conflicted territory like Kashmir.

Honestly, I couldn't even imagine being in their shoes. Nauzubillah.

The fact that this modern holocaust is happening all around us, I think at some point, it's not news anymore. Isn't that scary? Bad and mean things happen so publicly and openly, yet the world just turns a blind eye.

This explains it exactly:

I keep on wondering how would this world get any better. But I don't know. Maybe it just won't.

Hantu Jeruk

Sejak muda-muda memang hantu jeruk, especially jeruk mempelam. Cuma bila dah kena gastrik, terpaksalah tone down sikit kesukaan tu.

Balik kampung baru-baru ni dapat bekalan mempelam dalam 10 biji dari mak mertua. Maka menjeruklah kita. 

Husband suruh buat jeruk sira (betulke nama ni), aku pulak sekarang lebih berminat pada jeruk asam boi. Jadi buat dua-dualah. 

Dua jenis jeruk mempelam

Aku rasa jeruk sira tu lebih gastrik-friendly (haha, sukati reka perkataan sendiri) sebab ingredient dia cuma gula melaka dan cili boh.  Yang jeruk asam boi ni - asam boi tu memang gastrik-trigger punya ingredient. Dengan cili padi lagi. Tak pelah, makan sikit-sikit sambil beringat. Atau buat ulam makan dengan nasi. *sedapkan hati.

Pray For Me

If you ever pray for me,

I hope 

you don’t just pray for me

             strength

Please pray for me

       wisdom, too

Because;

I don’t want to be 

strong and stupid;

or,

strong and arrogant

I want to be

strong and wise.

New Malaysia

Woke up this morning with such indescridable feeling. And then things became somehow quite difficult to comprehensive.

I want know what it feels like to have a new government that majority had voted after an election that I, too, casted my vote. Gitu. But up until now, it is all still butterlies in the stomach.

Hope everything goes smoothly and turns out okay.

PRU14

It’s THE day!

To be honest, for me this time it requires some studies and researches before I made up my mind. And I don’t even share the same ideology and sentiment with my husband this time 😂 

Okay, tak mengundi pun lagi ni. Tahun ni all my family members will be voting at the same centre so they are all now waiting for me nak pergi mengundi sekali. Election in a way, is also a family gathering and family activity.

Semoga kemenangan di pihak yang nak diundi ni.

*might be uploading photos later (kalau rajin)

Inflight Science

A tough read, this one!

Some of the chapters kind of brings me back to the struggle of physics classes in high school and Engineering Mechanics subject on those undergraduate days. Pheww.

Btw, here's some fun facts:

1. The risk of plane crash is 1 in 125 million passsenger journey, which is 3x safer than travelling by train. By car, it's 1 in 10 million = 12x as dangerous. Fakta ni mungkin boleh reduce sikit rasa gundah-gulana bila nak fly (hopefully)

2. Usually there's no gate 13 or flight 13 due to some superstitious belief in some culture, that number 13 is associated with bad luck. So some airports do this, not to create panic among the passengers. Kat KLIA ada ke tak gate 13? Kalau kat Senai ni gate memang tak sampai 13 hehe. 

Owh, amazingly, there's no house number 13 on my street! And this fact was actually pointed out to me by the pizza boy months ago, even before I read the book.

3. Trak yang tolak flight ke belakang tu is called tug or pushback tractor

4. Dulu-dulu masa kecik, kalau nampak garisan macam a line of awan halus dekat langit, ingatkan kesan asap roket. (Haha, kaya gila manusia kat bumi ni hari-hari nak launch roket kan). So actually, the name of it is - contrails and they are trails of water droplet left behind by a plane.

5. Relativity

I remember a few years ago, my niece used to ask me "Kenapa bila hari raya, masa tu rasa cepat je?". I wish I had read this book then so I could quote "relativity' from Albert Einstein to her, haha.

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. but let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour"


6. Water boils at 90०C, instead of 100०C in a pressurized cabin.

What We Read

Someone once mocked the choice of books that I read. At that time, I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what was she thinking, to ridicule someone who’s already with low self-esteem like that. Maybe someone ‘strong’ like her doesn’t need those kind of books, because maybe she feels so content with herself. Although I think, a normal happy person doesn’t go around making other people miserable, right?

But today, after years of reading SELF-HELP books, it actually teaches and trains me on how to talk to myself. And most importantly, how to filter the thoughts that goes on my mind. Like when someone makes such hurtful and rude remark, in a way, there is a filtering system that won’t allow that to reside in me. The trick is, you need to let go of that as soon as you can, because once you indulge the bad feelings, sometimes it stays for years.

But of course, it’s an ongoing process because the filter is not automatically always there.

Apothecary

apothecary

əˈpɒθɪk(ə)ri/

1. a person who prepared and sold medicines and drugs.

Or in another word, it means pharmacist. Pheww, what a difficult word.

Entah kenapa perkataan ni susah sangat nak masuk dalam kepala. Walaupun dah exposed dengan perkataan ni a few years ago - I remember signing up for membership for a pharmacy - D'Apotic. Although at that time I thought it was just a meaningless name.

Dan awal tahun ni, masa aku google info regarding 'food to avoid during rashes break-out' dalam Bahasa Melayu, sebab aku rasa pemakanan kita tak sama dengan the westeners so maybe the info would be more precise if I looked it up in Malay-language-based websites. So macam biasalah, kebanyakannya adalah websites in Bahasa Indonesia, so yeah, they use a lot of 'apotik' word.

But what triggered me the most was when I watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S, the Pottery Barn episode, it revolves around Rachel's and Ross' apothecary table. And I failed every time I wanted to recall the table's name.

So, I hope by writing this, it will somehow stuck in my head. I just want to remember it even though I am pretty sure I'm not going to ever use the word, haha.

Not So Political

Watched Wardina's IG Live last night.

The thing that caught my attention when she listed out the qualities that leaders should have: 

"Leaders who are not "kaki gaduh", yang boleh melembutkan hati-hati yang keras, those with conflict-resolution and managing diversity skills..."

The truth is, we need more people like that in this world. Not only leaders. But everybody. Imagine a world full of this type of people. Aman damailah kita semua.

Songs and Moments #3 [Low Man’s Lyric]

Yesterday, out of nowhere, tiba-tiba teringat this line from a song;

 “So I cry in the alley way, confess all to the rain” 

I know it’s Metallica but I don’t remember what song. So here it is, after googling. 

Lagu ni antara lagu-lagu yang aku dengar zaman matriks. Pinjam kaset (album Reload) dan walkman kawan masa tu, dengar masa nak pi kelas, dan dalam bas masa outing. 

For this particular song, aku suka sangat lirik dia. Walaupun ada orang kata it's about suicide-lah, pasal drugs-lah, but I guess, we can interpret it in any way we want it to relate to us.

#3 - Low Man's Lyric by Metallica

My eyes seek reality

My fingers seek my veins

There's a dog at your back step

He must come in from the rain

I fall 'cause I let go

The net below has rot away

So my eyes seek reality

And my fingers seek my veins

The trash fire is warm

But nowhere safe from the storm

And I can't bare to see

What I've let me be

So wicked and worn

So as I write to you

Of what is done and to do

Maybe you'll understand

And won't cry for this man

'Cause low man is due

Please forgive me

My eyes seek reality

My fingers feel for faith

Touch clean with a dirty hand

I touched the clean to the waste

The trash fire is warm

But nowhere safe from the storm

And I can't bare to see

What I've let me be

So wicked and worn

So as I write to you, yeah

Of what is done and to do

Maybe you'll understand

And won't cry for this man

'Cause low man is due

Please forgive me

Please forgive me

Please forgive me

So low the sky is all I see

All I want from you is forgive me

So you bring this poor dog in from the rain

Though he just wants right back out again

And I cry, to the alley way

Confess all to the rain

But I lie, lie straight to the mirror

The one I've broken, to match my face

My eyes seek reality

My fingers seek my veins

Songwriters: James Alan Hetfield / Lars Ulrich

Pretentious..Not

What if people don't pretend that they are good?

What if they were really good and become not-so-good under certain circumstances?

In that case or another, no good would ever come from hatred. Don't you think?

Api Dalam Sekam

“Be mindful of what you say.

For your words are nothing,

but a reflection of your heart”

Not sure whose quote is this, but this is so true. I am too sad, and too exhausted to even elaborate. But in a way, I actually feel betrayed. Mostly by myself. 

Entahlah. I hate it when I don’t know what to do because most of the times, I would just end up running away. I think I don’t want to run away anymore, but then again, I really really don’t know what is the right thing to do.

But maybe, I don’t even have to do anything about it. Maybe this is a reminder (and even a punishment) to myself. Next time around, I really have to be wiser. And I guess, I still have to thank you for finally showing your true color. I wasn’t blind, but I chose to see the best in people, so what does that make me? *sigh

Okay. For now, let’s just sleep on it.

Dear Memories

Dear memories,

why do you have to be all dark and sad?

I want to remember something nice,

something that doesn’t consist of “You disappoint me”,

or end in “I have to go”,

or both.

I want to remember something colorful

under the sun.

I want to remember the sound of laughter

on a breezy day by the seaside.

Why can’t I remember something like that?

Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate. I’m just trying to be ‘creative’ here 😝😝 ✌🏽

COSTA

Another option for my headache-killer. Sekarang kat JB dah available at most of Shell gas stations. Rupa-rupanya dia vending machine, so totally self-service. Just follow the machine's instructions and make payment at the counter.

Make sure letak cup tu after Step 3. Kalau letak awal-awal nanti dia tak detect so the drink won't pour into your cup.

Commonness

Do you remember

when we talked about Smashing Pumpkins?

of how I love Ava Adore,

and you love 1979?

I thought to myself,

“Finally someone with common taste of music”,

I thought I found a soulmate of mine

in you.

And yes, you were really

someone with common taste of music

But no, never a soulmate.

Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate. I’m just trying to be ‘creative’ here 😝😝 ✌🏽

The Stolen Voice [Extended Version]

I used to be someone with a voice

a happy voice

a curious voice

and a bit of a noisy voice,

                 so I was told.

And I believed it when you told me

        to shut up

that I must be distracting,

I must be annoying.

So I shut my mouth ever since

believing that my words were not necessary,

not important.

Because all I wanted to do then

was doing the right thing

And you made me believe

being quiet is one

I had lost my voice

since the days you told me to shut up

And then I grew up

struggling to find my voice back

when there was so much that I wanted to say,

when I needed to stand up for myself.

but I just can’t find it back

I never have found it back

All I could remember was how you told me

to “Shut up”

I think you stole my voice

along with my self-esteem.


Disclaimer: All poems may be or may not be from my own experience. Some are merely from observations. Just chill, don't speculate. Just trying to be ‘creative’ here 😝😝 ✌🏽

Kari Kambing 40 Hari

Lokasi : Ayer Hitam, Johor

Dari highway boleh nampak kedai ni. Kalau dari JB, exit Ayer Hitam dan kalau dari KL, boleh exit di Yong Peng siap-siap.

Husband dapat tahu pasal kedai ni from his biker friend dan sini memang macam tempat persinggahan gang bikers kot. Parking memang selalu penuh jadi ramai je yang park tepi-tepi jalan.

Selain meja makan, ada jugak disediakan tempat untuk makan bersila which is more convenient kalau nak makan dalam talam.

Yang ni dalam pinggan - portion dia besar

Queue memang panjang tapi jangan risau, sebab diorang sangat efficient maka tak lama pun beratur nak order. Owh, it’s self-service basis.

Kari kambing adalah super-sedap, nasi dia pun perfectlah bagi aku. Nasiblah jauh nun di Ayer Hitam,jadi sesekali jelah dapat merasa.

Ni senarai harga (silalah klik dan zoom ya 😬)

Typical Streotype

I guess we all know how typical and streotype drama Melayu, especially drama bersiri can be. If you have to watch, all you need to watch is the first, maybe one episode in the middle and the final episode, you will have the idea of what the whole 30 episodes are really about. You won’t feel like you’re missing anything.

But, to be fair, it is actually the same thing with Hollywood movies, especially the rom-com movies. It is somehow predictable, too. Well, most of it.

Boy meets girl, fall in love, always for the similar reasons as below

• If they finish each other’s sentence
• If they share common taste in music or movies or food, etc etc
• If they have the exact same idea of something

But that 3 streotypes are strictly about romantic comedy movies only. As for TV series, they are not so predictable. Although sometimes for action and thriller movies, they are pretty predictable, too.

On a quite different note, I’m currently watching Santa Clarita Diet. Adoii, as much as it’s disturbing, I can’t wait to find out what’ll happen next. Yes, it’s too bloody (literally), so I’ll avoid eating while watching. Hopefully there’ll be Season 3.

Perihal Kucing

Sometimes you think you did it all right. Neutered the pets, put on netting so that your pets won’t go wandering around neighbour’s compound, etc, etc, but still, things can go out of hands *sigh

Kucing betina jiran sebelah ni apparently dah dewasa and now on-heat, dah masuk mengawan season, which attracts so many male cats, macam-macam color dan jenis, entah dari mana diorang ni semua ke rumah sebelah.

Masalahnya my Mocha ni bila ada kucing jantan lain datang, mulalah beliau memancut sana-sini to mark his territory. Arggghh, makcik stress sangat, especially kalau dia spray on the couch. Penat dia lain macam nak basuh the cushion cover, dan nak basuh+jemur the cushions. 

Tak masuk dengan bunyi kucing jantan memanggil-manggil lagi. Memang tak tenanglah si Mocha.

Haishh, harapnya cepat-cepatlah jiran ni pi neuter kucing dia.  

Coffee & The Filters

A friend gave me this coffee from Vietnam. Thanks a lot, dear, for the thought. Coffee from all places will always be the best kind of souvenir for me, eheh.

Since it's ground coffee, so I needed coffee filters sebab selama ni duk minum jenis 3 in 1 (not good, I know) dan jenis uncang je. Mula-mula plan nak pi beli kat Daiso but it was Saturday and boleh bayangkan usaha nak cari parking kat Aeon tu nanti, maka kami ke nearby Mr DIY.

But, instead of one filter, I ended up went to two stores, with 4 types of 'filters' haha. Okay, of course the colander is not for coffee.

System of A Down

Haha.

No, no. Not the band.

My laptop suddenly won’t turn on which I think will affect the blogging activity since I don’t know how to upload photos in here without downloading them to the laptop first. Sigh. Please laptop, don’t die on me now. Not now, not now 😭(although its age is 6 this year).

I can’t imagine having to survey for the best (yet affordable) one now because I haven’t spoken the computer hardware/software language for a very long time. Rasa macam nak kena start from the beginning because I’m sure so much has changed ever since.

Please, please let me be comfortable with my current old, ancient yet beloved laptop.

9th May It Is!

Walaupun hati ni masih tak tetap nak vote for which one, considering the possibility of 3 penjuru. Yang satu tu memang dah out of question 🙄

I am just hoping, really am hoping that the scenario is not of choosing the lesser of two (or maybe three) evils. 

I may not really understand, but I think being powerful can really be a curse, rather than a gift to some people. The misusage of power is what messes up the world today. So I hope the power will be granted to the ones who really want to serve the people.

Eh, melalut. Anyways, happy voting, dear Malaysians. Let’s choose wisely this time!

Of Grey's Anatomy

Sekarang dah Season 14 and still going on for a few more seasons, I guess. But as for me, rasanya cukuplah setakat ini.

Aku rasa storyline dah mengarut dengan banyak sangat muka baru. And they keep on dying and leaving every time.

Aku punya turning point is actually when they paired up Maggie and Jackson. Argghhh, I can't watch anymore. Technically, they are siblings kot. Dan bila dapat tahu April and Arizona will no longer be on the next seasons, yup, enough is enough.

I should have stopped watching when Christina left. Or when Derek died. Or when Callie left. Or when Riggs left. Yeah, I should have stopped a long time ago. Sigh.

I googled the cast for Season 1, 5 and 10 below:

The only constant faces from Season 1 until now are Meredith, Bailey, Alex and Webber.

So that's it. I can't stand the storyline and the inconsistency of the cast. It's so disappointing to me, haha.

Goodbye, Grey's Anatomy.